Sept. 12 2011

173.0

I have gotten as low as 169. I use to think that I wanted my goal weight to be 170 but I have decided that I don't want to go above 170 so I need to get down to 160 in order to have a bit of a cushion. I don't want to hover between 170 and 180. I want to hover between 160 and 170. This is going to be a challenge.

My stomach is stretching a I knew it would. I feel hungry and I still love to eat, get cravings and eat when I am not hungry. I know I said that all the bad habbits were still there and that the surgery did not fix them but right now I am really having to deal with them. I am contemplating hypnosis. I have always believed in it and so much of my eating is mental.

Before I try that though I am going to physical therapy. I have maxed my out of pocket for the year so I get 30 visits to PT covered at 100%. My right side still hurts all the time. The biggest part of the pain is from my knee to my hip into my pelvis. I go tomorrow and I sure hope they can help me. I really don't mind exercising. I just don't want it to hurt all the time. I lose sleep because of the pain.

So self talk. Andi - You are not hungry. It's ok to feel hungry. You feel uncomfortable if you eat icecream so why can't you feel a little discomfor feeling hungry? It's ok to feel hungry. You are not going to die.

I am not drinking my protien right now. I wasn't losing and needed to take off some more and when I stopped I did. I am starting up again soon. Protien helps with my hunger issues. I have been eating a lot of wilted spinach lately. With pine nuts onions and garlic. Oh so yummy.

I have been making sandwiches for the boys. I have not been eating bread so I have been wrapping meat and cheese. The cheese is not my friend but it is oh so yummy. Brie and smoked gouda are my current weaknesses. The weather is cooling down so I will start cooking again. We try to not turn the oven on when it is hot.

I would like to find someone who like to ride bikes. Walking is so boring to me.

Did I write enough? Nope. I read a couple of older posts and decided to come back and write a little more.

I am still sober. I have chose no to seek therapy. Probably not the best idea. I may change my mind since it should be free for the remainder of the year. I miss drinking but I know it's just something I can not do. It was killing me and I had NO control. I wish I could go out and have a glass of wine or a pint of beer but I can't stop at one or two or three so I just can't drink. I went to an out patient re hab and talked to them. I told him that I had gastric bypass and he said that a lot of people have been checking in that had that procedure. Alcohol does not mix with GB surgery. OK maybe this is enough now.

My friend Marie passed away Aug. 30. She followed my blog and was very supportive. I will miss her support.

Thursday Aug.25

172ish

I reached my goal last week. I got to 169. Greatest fear is that I haven't done enough to change behaviors and weight will come back. I guess being worried about it is a good thing. Eating slowly is important and I really really need to work on that. My body pain is another issue. I am moving well but not pain free. My right side is in constant pain. Shoulder neck hip.

Today I am suppose to go see an accupuncturist and herbal medicine Dr. I am anxious about it due to the money it will cost and whether it can help.

I need to do a better job drinking protien. I need to make good food choices. I need to keep my portions small. I NEED TO EAT SLOWLY!

Wed. July 5

186 FUCK!

I have not had a drink since June 26! I am on valium to help me not drink. I am a zombie but that won't be for too much longer. I am eating more which is bad but will call a therapist soon and try to get help with all my mental illnesses!

Thank you to all of my friends for their support. I couldn't do it without you. This includes my kids who are now playing lots and lots of Rummy.

Andi

Thursday June 30

179.7

I may have to change this from my weightloss blog to my soberity blog. Last Saturday night was my last drink. I went out and had a great time but spent over $150 that we don't have. I have NO control. I black out all the time and I am drinking everyday. I checked into inpatient re hab but the insurance won't cover it. So I checked into intensive out patient. That is not for me. Soooooooo I called the insurance and they said that I can see a private chemical dependancy counselor. So that is what I am going to do. I went to my Dr. the other day and she prescribed me valium to get through withdrawls and another drug to take in a couple of weeks that helps with cravings. I feel good. It's nice to not have that shakey irritable feeling in the evening. More later.

Monday June 20

182.3

I got down to 180 but there have been too many graduation parties. Today I am at 182.3. I made a promise 4 years ago to a kid (who just graduated from highschool) that if I lost at least 100 lbs. that he could shave my head. So sometime this month I will be bald for a day or two. My hair grows very fast. My eating is going ok. I need to exercise more and eat more veggies. Nathan just graduated from high school and that was an emotional time. It went fabulously. We are so proud of him.

Monday May 2

187.8!!!!! WTF

My greatest fear is gaining my weight back! The surgery only helps you get it off. You have to make changes. Right now my eating and drinking isn't going very well. And I have a period like once every 3 months so tha doesn't help when I gain a pound or two and can't figure out if it is PMS or not.

I have been watching 2 TV shows that are helping. One is Ruby. It is on Style and it is the weightloss journey of a gal that was up to like 600 lbs. It goes through all her mental issues. It really helps me to think about why I eat. I am a food addict. I think about food all the time. The other show is on OWN and is called Addicted to food. It is about a 60 day all inclusive intreatment program for food addicts. You can be an over eater, anorexic or bullemic. They really get to the heart of these peoples problems. They us the 12 step method and I have found this show very helpful. I looked into the program. It is in Texas. It is $700 per day! So I am on my own. I will watch very carefully. lol I am doing lots of self talk. I am telling myself that I need to focus on me and my problems and not get into other peoples problems (I have done this my whole life). Getting into other peoples problems is an excuse to avoid my own issues. That has not always been apparent to me. This show helps me see that. I have issues about my up bringing too and I am self talking that.

Well I just wanted to share this with ya'll. If anyone watches these shows and wants to talk about stuff I would love someone to chat with. Here or on FB.

Andi

Friday May 28

Quick note to self

Hunger has been a big issue this week. Eating more isn't good and didn't work. Protien shakes were not working for more that about 30 minutes. Yesterday for breakfast I ate a small handful of pecans. There were no funny side affects (lots of times things don't go down well) and I stayed satisified for hours. This morning I had a protien shake with five small strawberries and a small handful of pecans. The protien seemed to go down better than usual. Tomorrow I may just chew the pecans because I like to chew.

Also: I was depressed because I had stayed home for two weeks. Thanks to Teri for hanging out with me. It's always a good time.