186 FUCK!
I have not had a drink since June 26! I am on valium to help me not drink. I am a zombie but that won't be for too much longer. I am eating more which is bad but will call a therapist soon and try to get help with all my mental illnesses!
Thank you to all of my friends for their support. I couldn't do it without you. This includes my kids who are now playing lots and lots of Rummy.
Andi
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday June 30
179.7
I may have to change this from my weightloss blog to my soberity blog. Last Saturday night was my last drink. I went out and had a great time but spent over $150 that we don't have. I have NO control. I black out all the time and I am drinking everyday. I checked into inpatient re hab but the insurance won't cover it. So I checked into intensive out patient. That is not for me. Soooooooo I called the insurance and they said that I can see a private chemical dependancy counselor. So that is what I am going to do. I went to my Dr. the other day and she prescribed me valium to get through withdrawls and another drug to take in a couple of weeks that helps with cravings. I feel good. It's nice to not have that shakey irritable feeling in the evening. More later.
I may have to change this from my weightloss blog to my soberity blog. Last Saturday night was my last drink. I went out and had a great time but spent over $150 that we don't have. I have NO control. I black out all the time and I am drinking everyday. I checked into inpatient re hab but the insurance won't cover it. So I checked into intensive out patient. That is not for me. Soooooooo I called the insurance and they said that I can see a private chemical dependancy counselor. So that is what I am going to do. I went to my Dr. the other day and she prescribed me valium to get through withdrawls and another drug to take in a couple of weeks that helps with cravings. I feel good. It's nice to not have that shakey irritable feeling in the evening. More later.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Monday June 20
182.3
I got down to 180 but there have been too many graduation parties. Today I am at 182.3. I made a promise 4 years ago to a kid (who just graduated from highschool) that if I lost at least 100 lbs. that he could shave my head. So sometime this month I will be bald for a day or two. My hair grows very fast. My eating is going ok. I need to exercise more and eat more veggies. Nathan just graduated from high school and that was an emotional time. It went fabulously. We are so proud of him.
I got down to 180 but there have been too many graduation parties. Today I am at 182.3. I made a promise 4 years ago to a kid (who just graduated from highschool) that if I lost at least 100 lbs. that he could shave my head. So sometime this month I will be bald for a day or two. My hair grows very fast. My eating is going ok. I need to exercise more and eat more veggies. Nathan just graduated from high school and that was an emotional time. It went fabulously. We are so proud of him.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Monday May 2
187.8!!!!! WTF
My greatest fear is gaining my weight back! The surgery only helps you get it off. You have to make changes. Right now my eating and drinking isn't going very well. And I have a period like once every 3 months so tha doesn't help when I gain a pound or two and can't figure out if it is PMS or not.
I have been watching 2 TV shows that are helping. One is Ruby. It is on Style and it is the weightloss journey of a gal that was up to like 600 lbs. It goes through all her mental issues. It really helps me to think about why I eat. I am a food addict. I think about food all the time. The other show is on OWN and is called Addicted to food. It is about a 60 day all inclusive intreatment program for food addicts. You can be an over eater, anorexic or bullemic. They really get to the heart of these peoples problems. They us the 12 step method and I have found this show very helpful. I looked into the program. It is in Texas. It is $700 per day! So I am on my own. I will watch very carefully. lol I am doing lots of self talk. I am telling myself that I need to focus on me and my problems and not get into other peoples problems (I have done this my whole life). Getting into other peoples problems is an excuse to avoid my own issues. That has not always been apparent to me. This show helps me see that. I have issues about my up bringing too and I am self talking that.
Well I just wanted to share this with ya'll. If anyone watches these shows and wants to talk about stuff I would love someone to chat with. Here or on FB.
Andi
My greatest fear is gaining my weight back! The surgery only helps you get it off. You have to make changes. Right now my eating and drinking isn't going very well. And I have a period like once every 3 months so tha doesn't help when I gain a pound or two and can't figure out if it is PMS or not.
I have been watching 2 TV shows that are helping. One is Ruby. It is on Style and it is the weightloss journey of a gal that was up to like 600 lbs. It goes through all her mental issues. It really helps me to think about why I eat. I am a food addict. I think about food all the time. The other show is on OWN and is called Addicted to food. It is about a 60 day all inclusive intreatment program for food addicts. You can be an over eater, anorexic or bullemic. They really get to the heart of these peoples problems. They us the 12 step method and I have found this show very helpful. I looked into the program. It is in Texas. It is $700 per day! So I am on my own. I will watch very carefully. lol I am doing lots of self talk. I am telling myself that I need to focus on me and my problems and not get into other peoples problems (I have done this my whole life). Getting into other peoples problems is an excuse to avoid my own issues. That has not always been apparent to me. This show helps me see that. I have issues about my up bringing too and I am self talking that.
Well I just wanted to share this with ya'll. If anyone watches these shows and wants to talk about stuff I would love someone to chat with. Here or on FB.
Andi
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday May 28
Quick note to self
Hunger has been a big issue this week. Eating more isn't good and didn't work. Protien shakes were not working for more that about 30 minutes. Yesterday for breakfast I ate a small handful of pecans. There were no funny side affects (lots of times things don't go down well) and I stayed satisified for hours. This morning I had a protien shake with five small strawberries and a small handful of pecans. The protien seemed to go down better than usual. Tomorrow I may just chew the pecans because I like to chew.
Also: I was depressed because I had stayed home for two weeks. Thanks to Teri for hanging out with me. It's always a good time.
Hunger has been a big issue this week. Eating more isn't good and didn't work. Protien shakes were not working for more that about 30 minutes. Yesterday for breakfast I ate a small handful of pecans. There were no funny side affects (lots of times things don't go down well) and I stayed satisified for hours. This morning I had a protien shake with five small strawberries and a small handful of pecans. The protien seemed to go down better than usual. Tomorrow I may just chew the pecans because I like to chew.
Also: I was depressed because I had stayed home for two weeks. Thanks to Teri for hanging out with me. It's always a good time.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday April 27
185.7
I am in a funk. I posted that on Facebook and someone mentioned that it must be time for me to blog. I just wanted to say thank you to that person because I don't always realize what I need but blogging really does help me.
I have had Eli since May 13. I love the little guy but I leave myself out of the picture when I have him. I haven't been making time to exercise and I have been in a lot of pain. I havn't been eat the best and I have been drinking WAY too much.
Everyday I tell myself that my brain and habbits aren't different because of my surgery. I have to think about what to eat and not eat and fight the cravings. It is a struggle.
Things that are better: I can move without feeling like I am dying. I am gardening and walking. I can jog some. I can pedal my bike standing up very easily. I can stand at a mariners game in the concessions for 8+ hours without much trouble.
Things that I thought would be better that aren't:Touching the ground. I still don't have the hip rotation that I use to and it really makes it hard to pick things up. It's better but not where I want it to be.
Things that aren't better: My brain. I am still lathargic and hate cleaning. I didn't expect it to get better on it's own but it still brings me down at times.
Eli needs food. See ya soon.
I am in a funk. I posted that on Facebook and someone mentioned that it must be time for me to blog. I just wanted to say thank you to that person because I don't always realize what I need but blogging really does help me.
I have had Eli since May 13. I love the little guy but I leave myself out of the picture when I have him. I haven't been making time to exercise and I have been in a lot of pain. I havn't been eat the best and I have been drinking WAY too much.
Everyday I tell myself that my brain and habbits aren't different because of my surgery. I have to think about what to eat and not eat and fight the cravings. It is a struggle.
Things that are better: I can move without feeling like I am dying. I am gardening and walking. I can jog some. I can pedal my bike standing up very easily. I can stand at a mariners game in the concessions for 8+ hours without much trouble.
Things that I thought would be better that aren't:Touching the ground. I still don't have the hip rotation that I use to and it really makes it hard to pick things up. It's better but not where I want it to be.
Things that aren't better: My brain. I am still lathargic and hate cleaning. I didn't expect it to get better on it's own but it still brings me down at times.
Eli needs food. See ya soon.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday March 27
188.7 I have be going to thrift stores for clothes. What a treasure. I am getting stuff I could never afford to buy. This weekend Goodwill's green tag items are all 50% off. I got a pair of Banana Repubic jeans SIZE 10 for $3. I got a Nordstrom brand cami for $1. I got a pair of Lululemon crops last week for $6.99. They are worth $86. I think this is the most fun part of this experience so far. I ate ICECREAM! If you have GB. DON'T EAT ICECREAM. Well don't eat more than a couple of small bites. It's enough and it won't hurt. It hurt and I had 2 table spoon scoops. I hate my tummy and my boobs. I need surgery! I need MONEY! My butt is getting better. Did I say that I don't have butt cancer? YEY, YAY!
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