187.8!!!!! WTF
My greatest fear is gaining my weight back! The surgery only helps you get it off. You have to make changes. Right now my eating and drinking isn't going very well. And I have a period like once every 3 months so tha doesn't help when I gain a pound or two and can't figure out if it is PMS or not.
I have been watching 2 TV shows that are helping. One is Ruby. It is on Style and it is the weightloss journey of a gal that was up to like 600 lbs. It goes through all her mental issues. It really helps me to think about why I eat. I am a food addict. I think about food all the time. The other show is on OWN and is called Addicted to food. It is about a 60 day all inclusive intreatment program for food addicts. You can be an over eater, anorexic or bullemic. They really get to the heart of these peoples problems. They us the 12 step method and I have found this show very helpful. I looked into the program. It is in Texas. It is $700 per day! So I am on my own. I will watch very carefully. lol I am doing lots of self talk. I am telling myself that I need to focus on me and my problems and not get into other peoples problems (I have done this my whole life). Getting into other peoples problems is an excuse to avoid my own issues. That has not always been apparent to me. This show helps me see that. I have issues about my up bringing too and I am self talking that.
Well I just wanted to share this with ya'll. If anyone watches these shows and wants to talk about stuff I would love someone to chat with. Here or on FB.
Andi
Monday, May 2, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday May 28
Quick note to self
Hunger has been a big issue this week. Eating more isn't good and didn't work. Protien shakes were not working for more that about 30 minutes. Yesterday for breakfast I ate a small handful of pecans. There were no funny side affects (lots of times things don't go down well) and I stayed satisified for hours. This morning I had a protien shake with five small strawberries and a small handful of pecans. The protien seemed to go down better than usual. Tomorrow I may just chew the pecans because I like to chew.
Also: I was depressed because I had stayed home for two weeks. Thanks to Teri for hanging out with me. It's always a good time.
Hunger has been a big issue this week. Eating more isn't good and didn't work. Protien shakes were not working for more that about 30 minutes. Yesterday for breakfast I ate a small handful of pecans. There were no funny side affects (lots of times things don't go down well) and I stayed satisified for hours. This morning I had a protien shake with five small strawberries and a small handful of pecans. The protien seemed to go down better than usual. Tomorrow I may just chew the pecans because I like to chew.
Also: I was depressed because I had stayed home for two weeks. Thanks to Teri for hanging out with me. It's always a good time.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday April 27
185.7
I am in a funk. I posted that on Facebook and someone mentioned that it must be time for me to blog. I just wanted to say thank you to that person because I don't always realize what I need but blogging really does help me.
I have had Eli since May 13. I love the little guy but I leave myself out of the picture when I have him. I haven't been making time to exercise and I have been in a lot of pain. I havn't been eat the best and I have been drinking WAY too much.
Everyday I tell myself that my brain and habbits aren't different because of my surgery. I have to think about what to eat and not eat and fight the cravings. It is a struggle.
Things that are better: I can move without feeling like I am dying. I am gardening and walking. I can jog some. I can pedal my bike standing up very easily. I can stand at a mariners game in the concessions for 8+ hours without much trouble.
Things that I thought would be better that aren't:Touching the ground. I still don't have the hip rotation that I use to and it really makes it hard to pick things up. It's better but not where I want it to be.
Things that aren't better: My brain. I am still lathargic and hate cleaning. I didn't expect it to get better on it's own but it still brings me down at times.
Eli needs food. See ya soon.
I am in a funk. I posted that on Facebook and someone mentioned that it must be time for me to blog. I just wanted to say thank you to that person because I don't always realize what I need but blogging really does help me.
I have had Eli since May 13. I love the little guy but I leave myself out of the picture when I have him. I haven't been making time to exercise and I have been in a lot of pain. I havn't been eat the best and I have been drinking WAY too much.
Everyday I tell myself that my brain and habbits aren't different because of my surgery. I have to think about what to eat and not eat and fight the cravings. It is a struggle.
Things that are better: I can move without feeling like I am dying. I am gardening and walking. I can jog some. I can pedal my bike standing up very easily. I can stand at a mariners game in the concessions for 8+ hours without much trouble.
Things that I thought would be better that aren't:Touching the ground. I still don't have the hip rotation that I use to and it really makes it hard to pick things up. It's better but not where I want it to be.
Things that aren't better: My brain. I am still lathargic and hate cleaning. I didn't expect it to get better on it's own but it still brings me down at times.
Eli needs food. See ya soon.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday March 27
188.7 I have be going to thrift stores for clothes. What a treasure. I am getting stuff I could never afford to buy. This weekend Goodwill's green tag items are all 50% off. I got a pair of Banana Repubic jeans SIZE 10 for $3. I got a Nordstrom brand cami for $1. I got a pair of Lululemon crops last week for $6.99. They are worth $86. I think this is the most fun part of this experience so far. I ate ICECREAM! If you have GB. DON'T EAT ICECREAM. Well don't eat more than a couple of small bites. It's enough and it won't hurt. It hurt and I had 2 table spoon scoops. I hate my tummy and my boobs. I need surgery! I need MONEY! My butt is getting better. Did I say that I don't have butt cancer? YEY, YAY!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday March 20
193.5
WOW! My high was 294 so I am down 100 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooo hooo go me! I feel sooooo much better.
So here is why I am writing today. I went to Blaine's first track meet of the season the other day. I saw someone there thay I hasn't seen me. She didn't recognize me. I didn't say anything to her because she was on the phone and to be honest I wasn't sure it was here. When she recognized me it was "WOW Andi is that you? I didn't recognize you. You look fantastic." My mom was behind me and after I was done chatting my mom said "and that is exactly why you had that surgery." I was speachless and if you know me that is hard to do. I can't even remember if I corrected her or not. The way a look is a bonus but in no way shape or form was it the reason or even in the top five reasons why I had my surgery. I really can't believe that the person that birthed me is that superfical to truly believe that my looks had anything to do with my decision. It just goes to show 2 things. One: She doesn't know me. Two: she has never been overweight.
#1 reason I had my surgery - PAIN! I was in constant pain. I was not lifting my right foot anymore without pain. The pain did not go away imediately but it was the reason for the surgery.
#2 - Mobility. I could not move. I could not touch the ground. I could not look behind me.
#3 - Stamina. I had NONE. I was doing less and less for myself. It took awhile to see this but I noticed that I wasn't doing much and it continued even after I lost a lot of weight. Bad habbits die hard. I would say "hey can you do this for me?" and realize that I could do it myself.
#4 - Blood pressure. I wanted off of it and I am.
#5 - Depression.
Looking better is a bonus but not a reason and to be honest. I don't feel like I look that great. Want to see my belly or my boobs or my under arm giggle wiggle or my chin gobble wobble? They are all GROSS! I don't regret the surgery and I will get all that nasty stuff taken care of eventually but for now. I am enjoying feeling better.
I did 20 tricep bench dips today and I did the well! I can do so much more than I could 7 months ago. I feel awesome and that is what I want to remember.
My mom also keeps telling me about her neighbors daughter and how she had this surgery and how she gained more weight back then what she had weighed before! Uggggg! This surgery was a TOOL! It is not the end all for my weightloss. I am in charge of that but why do I have to keep telling her that. I have already said it. Quit being so fucking negative Patience.
OK I think I have gotten this off of my chest. That is what this blog is for me. It is my place to say what ever I want.
Don't know if I have talked about my surgery but I had my external hemeroids and my Polyp removed. It is the most damn painful thing that I have ever done. Pain pills have been my best friend. I walked a mile today and that kind of bugged the "area". Oh well. It is getting better. I don't have butt cancer and I have the best best friend in the whole wide world. Gayle was with me at my check up. She had something else to do just like everyone else did but she truly felt that being with me was more important. She is truly the best BF that anyone could ever hope for. Thanks My Gayle.
Till next time. Work hard and do it for you! You are worth it.
Andi
WOW! My high was 294 so I am down 100 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooo hooo go me! I feel sooooo much better.
So here is why I am writing today. I went to Blaine's first track meet of the season the other day. I saw someone there thay I hasn't seen me. She didn't recognize me. I didn't say anything to her because she was on the phone and to be honest I wasn't sure it was here. When she recognized me it was "WOW Andi is that you? I didn't recognize you. You look fantastic." My mom was behind me and after I was done chatting my mom said "and that is exactly why you had that surgery." I was speachless and if you know me that is hard to do. I can't even remember if I corrected her or not. The way a look is a bonus but in no way shape or form was it the reason or even in the top five reasons why I had my surgery. I really can't believe that the person that birthed me is that superfical to truly believe that my looks had anything to do with my decision. It just goes to show 2 things. One: She doesn't know me. Two: she has never been overweight.
#1 reason I had my surgery - PAIN! I was in constant pain. I was not lifting my right foot anymore without pain. The pain did not go away imediately but it was the reason for the surgery.
#2 - Mobility. I could not move. I could not touch the ground. I could not look behind me.
#3 - Stamina. I had NONE. I was doing less and less for myself. It took awhile to see this but I noticed that I wasn't doing much and it continued even after I lost a lot of weight. Bad habbits die hard. I would say "hey can you do this for me?" and realize that I could do it myself.
#4 - Blood pressure. I wanted off of it and I am.
#5 - Depression.
Looking better is a bonus but not a reason and to be honest. I don't feel like I look that great. Want to see my belly or my boobs or my under arm giggle wiggle or my chin gobble wobble? They are all GROSS! I don't regret the surgery and I will get all that nasty stuff taken care of eventually but for now. I am enjoying feeling better.
I did 20 tricep bench dips today and I did the well! I can do so much more than I could 7 months ago. I feel awesome and that is what I want to remember.
My mom also keeps telling me about her neighbors daughter and how she had this surgery and how she gained more weight back then what she had weighed before! Uggggg! This surgery was a TOOL! It is not the end all for my weightloss. I am in charge of that but why do I have to keep telling her that. I have already said it. Quit being so fucking negative Patience.
OK I think I have gotten this off of my chest. That is what this blog is for me. It is my place to say what ever I want.
Don't know if I have talked about my surgery but I had my external hemeroids and my Polyp removed. It is the most damn painful thing that I have ever done. Pain pills have been my best friend. I walked a mile today and that kind of bugged the "area". Oh well. It is getting better. I don't have butt cancer and I have the best best friend in the whole wide world. Gayle was with me at my check up. She had something else to do just like everyone else did but she truly felt that being with me was more important. She is truly the best BF that anyone could ever hope for. Thanks My Gayle.
Till next time. Work hard and do it for you! You are worth it.
Andi
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday March 13
195.6
I had hemeroid polyp removal surgery on Wednesday. I am very frustrated. I am on strong pain killers and can't go down on the meds without significant change in pain. I don't poop normal so I blew a stictch and it hurts. My family SUCKS and nursing and not only do they no longer want to take care of me they want me back taking care of them. I am near tears. I don't know when to cut back my pain meds. I can't stand the huffing everytime I ask for help. I am just pissed.
I had hemeroid polyp removal surgery on Wednesday. I am very frustrated. I am on strong pain killers and can't go down on the meds without significant change in pain. I don't poop normal so I blew a stictch and it hurts. My family SUCKS and nursing and not only do they no longer want to take care of me they want me back taking care of them. I am near tears. I don't know when to cut back my pain meds. I can't stand the huffing everytime I ask for help. I am just pissed.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Monday March 7
198.2
My weight is not moving because I drink! I am stopping during Lent and I really just need to focus on that right now but need really to just stop. I have no self control. I am doing well not eating too much food at once as long as I am not drinking then all control goes out the door.
My hip or a muscle in my butt to be more specific is really bothering me but not as bad as before I started walking like a runway model. lol. I have decided that I am as stiff as a board. I go to Zumba and I am really stiff. I feel like I am really moving then I look in the mirror and I look like a 2x4.
So tomorrow I start my colon cleanse and Wednesday I go in at 6:00 am for my colonoscopy and at 11:00 I have a polyp and external possibly internal hemeroidectomy. It is going to hurt like hell.
So I am down. I got all dressed to go to the gym. I even had my shoes on and I didn't go. Pathetic! I am not having a period but I am still crazy. Who knows what I am going to be like when I stop drinking. God will help me but UG.
OK I just had to get this off my chest.
My weight is not moving because I drink! I am stopping during Lent and I really just need to focus on that right now but need really to just stop. I have no self control. I am doing well not eating too much food at once as long as I am not drinking then all control goes out the door.
My hip or a muscle in my butt to be more specific is really bothering me but not as bad as before I started walking like a runway model. lol. I have decided that I am as stiff as a board. I go to Zumba and I am really stiff. I feel like I am really moving then I look in the mirror and I look like a 2x4.
So tomorrow I start my colon cleanse and Wednesday I go in at 6:00 am for my colonoscopy and at 11:00 I have a polyp and external possibly internal hemeroidectomy. It is going to hurt like hell.
So I am down. I got all dressed to go to the gym. I even had my shoes on and I didn't go. Pathetic! I am not having a period but I am still crazy. Who knows what I am going to be like when I stop drinking. God will help me but UG.
OK I just had to get this off my chest.
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