Tuesday Dec. 8

221.4

I'm four months post op and I can move. I feel so much better. I can walk without getting out of breath. I can sit up in my bed without a struggle. I can not touch the ground yet but that is another problem.

I am in a regular extra large size in shirts and almost a 16 in pants. I am not exercising enough right now and I have all of the excuses in the world. I think the biggest thing I would say to someone who is thinking about this surgery is that it helps you get the weight off but it doesn't change who you are. You still have to do all of that on your own and you have to do it or you will put the weight back on. I still get totally overwhelmed by my house and it's still really hard for me to clean. I have more energy but I HATE cleaning. I always have. I am very ADD and I get overwhelmed easy.

I am doing some weight lifting at home daily and at the gym when I go. I have the same right side hip pain that I have had for 3 years. I am not sure if it will go away or not. I am stretching regularly.

I am doing pretty well with eating. I do my protien and eat small meals. My big problem is the booze. I have NO self control so I just really can't drink but still I do. I know this slows my weightloss down, it makes my kids mad and yet I still do it. I may have to go somewhere but UG I really don't want to.

So that is where I am. I feel better but I am still whiney! I will post pics soon.

Thursday Nov. 4

231.7

Yesterday I bought my first xl shirt. No plus sizes for me! I am doing well for the most part. My tailbone still bothers me and my normal right side hip/groin pain that I have had for about 3 years is still there but I can do more before it hurts. I just hope I dont' need a new hip. I need a new doctor.

Eating: I am doing pretty well right now with my protien drinks. I bought some chai tea from Fred Meyer bulk spices and I mix my morning protien with that. For my afternoon protien I found sugar free pumpkin syrup and ginger bread syrup. They are both good but I prefer the gingerbread. Since I can't eat string cheese I have been eating nuts. I am not convinced that nuts are better than dairy. I did find small packs of spicey planters peanuts at Costco business. I can usually get 3 snacks out of a pack (2 for sure). I don't eat with the family much. I dont' eat what they eat is what I mean.

Exercise: I am going to the YMCA. Eli is with me during the week right now while his mom is doing a 10 week training program so I put in in child find. He goes to swimming lessons and tumbling class.

Tomorrow is my 3 monthaversary since surgery so I should post pics.

Thursday Oct. 14

238.4

I am doing well. Did I say that we joined the YMCA? It is good and my friend Teri and I are going to do the 12 week program there. Today I am getting a massage to try to get my IT band loosened up some.

This surgery helps you lose weight. What it doesn't do is get rid of cavings or hunger or change bad behaviors. That is all up to me. I still spend a lot of time on the computer but I am doing more that before. The food that I should be eating (lean protiens) a painful to eat. I eat lots of legumes. Indian dahl and garbanzo beans.

Eating information after my surgery has not come from my surgeon. I get it from blogs and other websites and people.

I am listening to my hypnosis cds. Exercise is very important. I am starting to get a bit of a gobble wobble in my neck that I am FREAKING out about. I need to start my plastic surgery fund!

Tuesday Oct. 5

240.5





Happy 2 month anniversary to me! Two months ago today I had my surgery. August 4 I weight 269.9. August 7 I weighed 274.5. I had my 2 month post surgery appointment last Friday and my ANRP said I was doing really well with weightloss. I feel good. I still have my right side pain (the reason I had the surgery) but I have joined the Y and am swimming. I ran away from Eli yesterday for the first time. I am doing more, getting out of the house more and am over all a happier Andi. I have not gone to try to go back to work yet. My goal is to be able to touch the floor without pain. I have been drinking and I need to stop. It is worse than before in the respect that I am trying not to get too many carbs so I am making very strong drinks. I do use diet cranberry juice so I shouldn't worry about it so much and just make weaker drinks or stop drinking.

Food consumption is weird and sometimes frustrating. Some foods make me sick. Salmon and some chicken I think. I can eat a lot of bad foods just fine but not some healthy foods that I would like to be able to eat. Today I made some broccoli soup. I steamed some broccoli and carrots in chicken broth. I blended them in my immersion blender. I added a few tablespoons of Rotelle and blended more. I topped my soup off with a little freshly grated Ramano. It was good.

I do feel hungry a lot and that is frustrating. For that part I wish I could have had the sleeve gastrectomy surgery.

Sunday Sept.26

243.9 or .7 can't remember.

Eating has been tough. I almost don't want to eat because the healthy things hurt and the bad things don't Protien powder makes me a little nauseacious. I can't spell! Salmon hurts like hell then a throw up pink foam. I have been eating Indian Dahl. It's soupy, has legumes, FLAVOR! and some rice to make it a complete protien.

I JOINED THE YMCA! The whole family joined. We even got Eli on our membership. We went swimming today and yesterday. I kicked 10 laps with flippers. I don't even move without them.

I bought Eli a pair of rubber boots today. It made his day. They have glow int he dark spiders on them. The reason I am bringing this us is because he and I walked outside so he could jump in mud puddles.

I am moving more. People tell me that I look better. I think it is almost time to take more pictures.

The thing I like most about the surgery is how I fit into cloths. I try on old clothes and they don't fit. They almost fit but not quite and I give it a week and they fit.

I like the progress.

Andi

Wednesday Sept. 22

247

I am having a hard time finding food that is good for me that goes down well. I can eat some food that isn't as good for me without any problems but eating meat is very hard. I need to find a support group so I can talk about this. I need to figure it out.

My doctor has so many rules that others don't have to follow that I think he is setting me back. I am taking his extra rules and modifying them. He says fruit not more than twice a week. He says no dairy. I'm not eating proccess sugars. I think the other two need to be limited but fruit is better than white rice or bread.

Walking is an issue. The issue is that I'm not going enough.

I walked. I am proud. I walked fast. I didn't time it but I had a good pace. I listened to a new book on my walk. It is good. It is me.

Knowing when to stop eating is hard.

Sunday September 19

247

I need to walk more. My pain level is getting better, not great but a little better. I have been going to the chiropractor and she has helped me some but I am almost out of my 10 visits.

Eating is ok. Meat hurts. Fruits are good but they don't want me to eat them more than twice a week but then I find myself eating greasier foods and I think fruits are better. Soups are good. I plan on going for tortillia soup with Diana tomorrow. Broth is good because I can drink quite a bit of that and eat my 1/3 cup of solids and be good.

Protien drinks are challenging. I bought chocolate this time. I can't have milk so water and protien powder is not fun three times a day.

Vitamins are a pain in the ASS! I don't crush them anymore. I am taking my vit c and multi vits almost daily. Iron kinda ok. The rest not ok at all! I need to do better.

I stopped my antacid because I didn't see a need for it. I don't get heart burn at all. What I get is analburn!!! So bad that it is more painful then childbirth. So here is my theory. Things don't absorb in my small tummy. My stomach acid goes straight through my intestines and sits in my colon untill everything is ready to come out (not fast enough for me). Well I have these things called fissures. They are like tears in my colon and the stomach acid (or butt acid at this point) just sits there and burns like a mother effer. So I am pretty good at taking an antacid.

I am in old clothes. I am moving better. I am doing more and feeling pretty good. I am not regretting getting my surgery at all. I feel better. I just don't want to have pain anymore. Maybe I will have to wait for heaven for that.

Sunday Sept. 5

249

Salmon does not seem to be my friend. Today was the closest I have gotten to throwing up. I did not eat too much but I did accidently drink afterward but I didn't last time I ate salmon and it hurt like this. I don't get it. I had a crab cake today and that was fine so it's not all seafood. I ate 3 oz. of crab yesterday and that was fine. I just don't get it.

Saturday Sept. 4

252.3

The weight is coming off again!!! I am eating solids now and it's kind of hard. I recieved a menu that was pretty doable then the PA at the office said to stay away from carbs and only eat fruit like twice a week. I am fine with staying away from processed sugars but natural sugars is a little ridiculous. If I try to stay away from too much I think I will start getting drawn to worse choices like chips and stuff. Dairy is also off limits from my doctor. The baratric assoc. of America says dairy is fine but my doctor believes that lactose it the gateway to other sugars. What can I eat then. I just ate 3 oz of fresh cracked crab but I can't eat that all the time.

I wish this guy was a little less nazi ish. Their is no room for decisions on my part. I am not limiting my fruit. I won't eat a lot at once but I am not only going to eat it once or twice a week.

I can't drink for an hour after I eat and that is one of the hardest things. Once you eat you want to drink. The reason for this is that water flushes the nutrients out and nothing gets absorbed. I try hard to not drink.

This interum time is hard. I want to cook. I am not cooking for my family but it's hard when I can't eat anything.

Thurs. Sept. 2 2010

254.3

I have been in a rut. I think it was PMS. My weight went up to 259 and stayed there for like a week. It was depressing. I was having a very hard time not eating and I wasn't ok'd to eat yet. I ate but not good choices. Like I said I think I was PMS so it was normal things going on but with a new stomach.

Yesterday I went to my four week post op appt. I am down 36 lbs from my first appt. I can ride my bike now which should help my exercise. I am having a lot of pain still when walking and don't get my heart rate up. I am able to swallow my pills and vitamins now but it isn't easy.

This morning I had a salmon omlete. I pureed the salmon but I shouldn't have eaten 2 foods at once. It hurt. I am weighing my food. A meal is 3 oz.

I went to the dentist today and I had gingivitis for the first time ever. She said it was because of my surgery. I need to use Listerine and use my stimudents.

I know this is going to work but right now is kinda hard.

Progression pictures

Here are pictures of me 19 days before surger,15 days after surgery 30 days 2 months post op.

Friday Aug. 20

256.0

Have I said that I don't like taking my supplements? Well I DON'T! And I am ready for food. I have been eating corn chips since Eli's party. Only like 5 Fritos at a time but still. A friend told me to be careful about corn intollerence. I know about milk intollerance but she said that when her kids were little that they became sensitive to milk then corn. So I need to lay off the corn for awhle because I really like it and I don't want to have problems in the future.I had another crab cake yesterday. It wasn't as good as the first one. I had frozen it and the texture was different. I really really really think an important factor to my success is to eat SLOWLY! Right now I have to. I have to chew the crap out of my food. I like to chew so it doesn't bug me.

I am going to try to walk twice today. I hope they approve another form of exercise when I go to my next appointment. I would like to ride my bike. Yesterday I didn't take my supplements till late. I didn't like them. I just don't like them.

Thursday Aug. 19

256.8

Things are feeling looser. Creepy underwear isn't so creepy. Shirts don't stick to my belly so much. But I asked Eli if I was getting smaller or if I was stil really fat and he said I was still really fat. I laughed. He is right. If you want the answer you want to hear ask your husband. If you want to hear the truth, ask a kid.

Yesterday we had Eli's birthday party here. It was very fun. It was so neat to hear his excitment. He has been playing with his toys for over an hour. The hardest part of the party was fixing all the food without tasting what I was cooking. I did have help. Nathan was glad to taste the frosting for me and Jen tasted the taco meat. I did have a couple of fritos corn chips.

I need to up my walking but I don't feel super strong. 3 protien shakes a day and my vitamins don't really make for a lot of energy. The supplements are disgusting. I chose to go the cheap route. At least I thought it was and it is the gross route. I grind my pills. I pour them into my shake and choke it down. I might switch to chewables.

The other day Nathan and I went down to the pig barn with Lucas. He washed his pig. We helped him get her in the pen. It was fun. Nathan made it comical.

That's all for now. Gotta go make my potions! Awck

Sunday Aug. 15

258.8

This heat is sucking the life out of me. I just want to sleep. Blaine and I are going to Costco to take back protien supplement and get some pork shoulder for Curtis to smoke. Oh my is that going to be hard to smell. Actually, I like smelling things. Sometimes they smell better than they taste.

I am putting all of my supplements that I can take at one time in my morning protien shake. It is awful. Citrisy awful not ground up meat awful but still. Gritty, icky. But I am getting them down. Right now I just finished my shake and I am eating my kids chewable vitamins. And I am waiting for my stomach to settle. Then Blaine and I will be off in Nathan's new car to Costco.

Weight is coming off and it is coming off easily but it is hard to not eat. I don't feel hungry but I sure miss chewing. Those Crystal Light candies are great.

Thursday August 12, 2010

264.6

Today is my first day on protien shakes. Up until now I have been drinking water, V-8 and diet V-8 splash. I can walk a mile in 30 minutes with my trekking poles. I know what I want to eat when I can start eating. I wonder if it will change. My cravings have never left me after a few days. They stick with me for weeks so this probably will too. I want a temupra onion ring from Kings, a strimp (doesn't have to be fried) dipped in tempura dipping sauce, and crab (perferably in the form of a crab cake). It will be interesting to see if this still what I want in 6 weeks. I am on the protien and juice, water diet for four weeks. Then I go to soft foods. Refried beans, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes... That last two weeks then I start eating how I will eat forever. My surgeon says NO dairy, NO sugars, NO carbonation. If I eat too much I will throw up. If I eat the wrong foods I could have dumping syndrome. I think the NO dairy ever is a bit harsh but I think he says that because dairy can be high in calories yet not sustaining as far as hunger goes so you can gain weight because of dairy. I plan to stick to that rule rather strictly except for non fat plain yogurt. I plan to use that for dips. A blog that I read World According to Egg Face says she dips all of her meats in sauces because they slide down easier. She has the greatest recipes on this site. http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/
I decided yesterday that I want to be a size 10. I think that will be good for me. I will exercise and still enjoy food and mostly enjoy life.

Monday August 9 It is 8-9-10

268.5

I am hight as a kite! I yelled at a guy on the phone and Mark at the same time. I called Direct TV to add a DVR so that we could do on Demand. The kid would not let me do anything because my name is not on the account but I am the ONE who started the account. So I was not happy that he wanted to talk to Mark. So I hand the phone over to Mark and Mark puts the guy on hold to answer the other line. His mom was on the other line and he just starts a conversation with her and I was mad and started yelling when my mother in law was on the phone. Not pretty. So I jump through all these hoops with this direct TV guy and find out that I need the DVR and that it's gonna cost me $50 but they won't let me put it on my bill they want me to put it on my Visa which didn't make sense to me so I told him to get his supervisor. Well I waited too long and was too hopped up on the meds and hung up on him. I am going to give them a sob story tomorrow and tell them that I need the DVR for free now!

Now to the important stuff. I pooped today!!!! Teri came to walk with me adn we walked a mile. Seeing the screen is hard so I am just typing. Please forgive typos.

Mark made me a spread sheet to keep track of my walking, weight, and measurments.

Sunday August 8

274.5

3 days post surgery. Everything is going well. People are walking with me. Mostly my family, kids friends (thanks Jay C) and my neighbor Mary. I can only go on slow short walks. Jay C and I walked a mile Sunday though. I am doing 3 or 4 walks a day.

I am still on the pain meds. Don't want to push things. Nikki took off one of my bandages today. I will tak off the rest tomorrow. I had 6 bandages but 7 incisions. I made my own broth today. Took water, onions, garlic, celery, red bell pepper and tomatoes and cooked them. Then I used my wonderful immersion blender and blended it and strained it all out. Then I added some soy sauce and a little worechestershire. It is plenty flavorful and has a lot less sodium than if I bought it. Other than that I am taking my vitamins and prevacid and drinking my water and v-8. I drink a little diet v-8 splash but I don't really like the fake sugar taste. I do eat crystal lite candies to rehydrated my mouth but mostly I drink water. It is midnight now so I can take another dose of my pain meds and it will knock me out so I can go back to sleep.

Andi out

Saturday August 7

274.5

I don't know how I gained weight going in for stomach surgery. Well I do. It was all of the IV they pumped into me.

The surgery went very well. I checked in the hospital Thursday August 5 at 7:00 AM and checked out Friday August 6 at around 8:30 AM.

There are 7 incisions. He repaired my hernia. I was given 4 shots of heprin to help prevent blood clots. A few shots of prevacid to reduce the risk of ulcers. They alternated me between oxycodon and hydrocodon every two hours. I am on Roxycet right now.

I walked a lot yesterday but today it's raining. I might have to go out in the rain.

I drink from one ounce medicine cups. I am suppose to drink a minimum of 80 a day. I am on a liquid diet for one month but no portien until I see the Dr. next week so I think I might be pretty week. Right now the best things that sound good to me are water and V-8. I have had some V-8 splash but the sweet doesn't taste so good.

The meds are wiping me out but I don't want the pain to get away from me. But I really haven't felt any.

Time for more meds.

Wednesday August 4

269.9

I haven't been writing because it has just been a hard 10 days. I have been doing well on my diet and I am down like 12 lbs. Hopefully it will be enough. I really miss chewing. I am looking forward to my soft meals once my liquid period is over. I am looking forwar to a scrambled egg and mashed banana. Who knows how I will feel after the surgery.

I go weigh at the doctors office today between 2 and 4 then he will tell me if the surgery is on or not. Blaine has put me on a wrestlers diet. I think he wanted to wrap my in plastic and he said not to swallow my spit. He is so funny. I love my kids so much and can hardly wait to be able to keep up with them.

I am going forward with the hopes of loosing the pain that I have. Excited to move more. Worried that my kids will think that they never have to clean again.

Thank you all for your support. I am sure I will be on tonight to say weather it's on or not.

Andi

276.7

I am DYING tonight! I have not had any solid food since Sunday. I walked 3 miles today. Right now I am eating a pink lemonade sugar free popsicle. I just want to chew. I have only had about 55 grams of protien today. I can have more but I want to lose weight.

Tuesday July 27

278.3

I am so effing hungry right now. I made teriyaki chicken for dinner and I can't eat it. Not even a bite! I need my shake. Today I have had 1 protien shake, 2 cups of green tea my vitamins and lots of water. I will be having another shake. Linda and Megan walked in Banner forest with me today and it was a nice walk. I am going to stick to this but if he doesn't do this I am going to be so mad. I need to go to Costco and get my supplements.

Here is my new motto.

Andi is not a wimp.

Monday July 26

282.7

Today was my nutrition class, pre op with Asshole surgeon and my psych eval. Ok. I usually always go with my gut. If I don't like someone, I usually get away from them. Well, I don't like my surgeon. He is mean and rude. He threatend me today with canceling my surgery because I haven't lost enough weight. They were not talking to me at all before I got approval from the insurance then all of a sudden they call and want to schedule my surgery. No one once asked if I was close to my 30 lbs I as suppose to lose they just said "let's schedule it." Then they schedule my nutrtition class 4 days after my liquid diet was suppose to start and all the informaiton for the liquid diet was in the nutrition class. F to the word!!!!! I am just so mad. I feel like a number and a puppet. But I am told that surgeons don't have a good beside manner and I am told that this surgeon is very good. SO! I am sticking with it but if he cancels my surgery or postpones it then I am going to a new surgeon. I also took the dumbest ever peronality test today. 300+ questions to see if I am crazy or not. UG.

OK sorry that this wasn't a good day. I am tired and hungry. I need to walk a lot so call me anyone. Tomorrow I am just going to walk around Mullenix Ridge. Or maybe I will call Marie!

Andi out!

Oh wait P.S. Mark read through my entire packet and that made me feel good. Thank you honey!

Sunday July 25

283.7


Got as far as the date and remember that it was Elsie's birthday so had to go wish her. Now I have to get ready for my breathing test. More later.

Saturday July 24

283.5

This is damn hard! I don't get why they want me on clear liquids. Monday will tell. I have a nutrition class. I started out today with a protien shake that had one scoop of protien powder, water and banana. Then I juiced using spinach, cucumber, grapes and tomatoes. I have had 2 cups of that so far. I had an avacado. Tomorrow I have my breathing test and ekg. Monday I have the nutrition class, last apt. with Dr. Oh and psych. eval. Can hardly wait till I'm not hungry.

Thursday July 22

283.5

I ate a lot yesterday. It was the day before my liquid diet. I had some tests. Had to fast. Bloodwork, urine, abdominal ultrsound and chest xray. Then I went out to lunch with my family. After that I was wiped out so I took a nap. Then went to get a hair cut. Went to Gayles for dinner and had sushi and ribs! And I drank beer and wine. I don't feel bad.

My PA that I saw on Tuesday said to do the best I can on the liquid diet until my class on Tuesday and tell them that I have been doing the clear liquid all along. I like him. I am using powdered protien powder for now and it isn't a clear liquid. The biggest reason I am doing this is cost. The liquid protien is very expensive and I will have to use it afterward for quite awhile.

I have only had liquids today but I had coffee with half and half and protien powder and for dinner I will be adding yogurt and strawberries.

I am talking to my stomach and telling it that it is not hungry. Smelling everyone elses food is hard. I told Mark no saucage cooking till after the surgery.

I will be trying meditation and doing my hypnosis more.

Andi out!

Monday July 19

284.5

My period started. What a pleasant suprise! NOT. So talking about this is hard for me (not my period ha). I sit at the computer a lot. Like maybe 8+ hours a day. I can do little chores but I tire easily and take lots of breaks. That is getting better since I have been moving more. The hardest thing for me to do is schedule things outside of the house. I can take my kids to practise. They tell me when and where and I go. I hate going to new places. I usually don't go alone. I have to schedule Blaine and Lucas' physicals and I had to reschedule a part of my imaging for my surgery and my office visit with my physician.

The physicals scheduling went fine. I called the number for St. Francis imaging that had been left on my voicemail while on vacation and it was long distance. My imaging is in Gig Harbor. I don't have long distance on my home phone. Using the cell stresses me out because I dont' have good coverage (why did they have to change this I think). I call the number on the paper Dr. Oh's office gave me. It's not long distance. They transferred me, I was transferred again, I got a voicemail. I left a message. I went to the bathroom. The phone rang. I didn't have it. I missed the call. It was St. Joseph hospital. UG They didn't leave a message. What does that mean? Am I suppose to call back or do they? I called the local imaging phone number again and was put on hold. I held for a few minutes and hung up. Called Dr. Oh's office, got voicemail, hung up. Got on my cell called the number back that called me from St. Josephs and explained. Got transferred to scheduling, left a message. She called back to tell me that she doesnt' schedule St. Anthoney's and she transferred me. Guess what? I got another FUCKING voicemail! So I left a message. I hope she calls me back and I have a phone by me. I have so many things to do for my surgery between now and Aug. 5 that I just want to crawl into a hole. I am not good with a busy schedule. Some of my friends thrive on it. I break out in a sweat and want to cry. I am shaking as I type this.

Positives! I made 3 successful appointments today. One for me and one each for Blaine and Lucas. Frutrating! Trying to reschedule this damn diagnostic thing. And my period. Oh my lovely gift from God. BLA!

Between now and Aug. 5 I have to do the following
7/20/10 Dr. clearance from my doctor (she is on maternity leave so I see a PA)
7/21/10 11:00 am tentative Diagnostic imagining ( nothing to eat 8 hours prior.) blood work unine analysis ekg abdominal ultrasound chest x ray pft with Sa 02. I know it sounds worse that it probably is but that is a lot and no one explained to me if this is just one appointment or all. My Dr. isn't easy to get a hold of.
07/22/10 START CLEAR LIQUID DIET! God help the people around me (wait I am having a positive attitude).
7/25/10 SUNDAY 12:15 Breathing test and EKG Don't have to fast so that's ok.
7/26/10 9-Noon Pre surgery education and nutrition class
1 PM Last office visit ( I have only met with the Dr. once)
3-5 Psych eval. HA! What now. I already know that I am crazy!
07/28/10 Pre-op by phone Noon
08/05/10 5:30 AM Check in! Are you kidding me?

I couldn't do this on my own. Gayle is going with me on my busy day. I love you soooo much Gayle!!! Mark should go to the nutrition class but Gayle will understand more and be more of a help to me. I couldn't read the form I just wrote out. Gayle told me what was when then I could look at it. My mind doesn't absorb what I see (as well)until after I hear it.

OK This was good to get off my chest.

Andi out!

Before Pictures

Here are the four views of Andi. Front, side, other side and backside. Ha ha ha. I have to have a sense of humor.

Smile!

Saturday July 17 (Before pictures)

282

Things I am looking forward to!
Touching the ground
No PAIN!
Keeping up with my family
Not sweating so much (have alwyas been sweaty so maybe it won't go away)
Walking without getting out of breath in 10 seconds
No blood preassure meds
Not having to ask people to pick things up for me

Friday July 16

283.4

Went to Costco with Lucas today. Got protien with $3 off for each package. See ya tomorrow.

Thursday July 15

283.9

Yesterday was not a good eating day. Well it was. I ate a lot. I decided to eat my larger meal at mid day and was going to have a protien shake for dinner but we went out and I ate a 450 cal meal which wasn't too bad but then went home and had popcorn. My popcorn is deadly. I need to go to Costco today. They have a liquid protien I want to try. I am really dragging today. Wonder if it is all the salt I've been eating?!

I hate smelling the food that other people cook or I cook for them that I can't eat. I need this surgery because when plan changes I won't be able to mess up as bad because my stomach will only be 2 0z.

Wednesday July 14

283.6

I ate wayyyyyy tooo many almonds yesterday but they left the house so I am good now. I also had a chili cheese and onion omlette and it hurt so I will try to remember the bad feeling.

I have been getting a lot of support from people via email and facebook. I really appreciate it but please feel free to post comments and share as much as you want/can. You would be suprised at how many people struggle. I know I am not the norm and don't mind sharing every little detail of my life but I think people feel better when they know that it's not only them.

OK todays worry! I am very worried about what I am going to do once I lose some of this weight. Right now I spend most of my day on the computer and do very little. I am excited to be able to touch the ground but I am worried about my ADD and being productive. I am alergic to lists but I think I might have to get use to them. I have to get use to these because I think it is the only way I will be able to get things done. You see, most people see lists as a way to feel successful when they get things checked off. I see lists as my obismal failings when I don't get things checked off. I am the queen of half jobs. I know that I have to break my lists down from jobs into tasks. That way I can check off small accomplishes instead of feeling like I never accomplish anything which I do just not big things.

I think I might make a good ADD coach someday. I am good at figuring what is wrong but doing it is a different story so if I can tell someone what to do it will be a lot easier.

I walked 1.9 miles with my pal Brenda yesterday and a shorter walk the day before. Today I and hopefully Blaine will go to Anns to go swimming.

In the great words of Ann

Andi out!

Tuesday July 13

284.4

Happy Birthday Kyle! So I did pretty well yesterday except for a couple of screaming and swearing outbursts. Nathan says I should move to the trailer. Glad he wasn't her for the yelling cuz he might have made me move out. Mark is more forgiving. The other two just role their eyes at me and ignore me.

Thank you Brenda for coming over and walking with me last night. I used my trekking poles and it was really good. I would have fallen 3 times without them.

I can do this. It's amazing the difference of I can do this to - It'll never work makes to your brain. I try to not let that Lilipution in my head. Does anyone know what I am talking about?

I hate feeling hungry. What is it about feeling hungry.

Monday July 12

287.8

So I am right back where I was with my weight when I started this blog. My goal between now and clear liquids is to get as physically and mentaly prepared as possible. I am going with an "I know I can attitude." I had my coffee with my tablespoon of half and half. I think I'm just going to cold turkey the coffee and 1/2 and 1/2 at clear liquid day and go to green tea. For breakfast I had Snoqualimie Falls oatmeal with chopped apple and almonds. I have to get off sugars again because I think it will make it way easier to go to the clear liquids if I am use to not having processed sugar.

7/11/2010

My surgery has been approved and is scheduled for August 5. I have been on vacation for 2 weeks so now I am going to get serious about preparing for this surgery. The paperwork from the doctor says a clear liquid diet for TWO WEEKS. I am going to have to do some serious hypnosis in order to get through this. And not my cds, just Andi telling Andi that she can do this. Please pray for my family and close friends because I can really be a BITCH. It is worth it. I need to shrink my fatty liver in order to have a more successful surgery. My friend who had surgery May 21 is a great motivation for me and I know it will all be worth it. I must have positive self talk! So many things will be better and it's just two weeks of being excruciatingly hungry. Ha Ha. I was looking at a blog of someone who has had this surgery and she loves to cook and she still cooks. My only fear is cooking for my kids who are normal and don't need special meals. Mark wouldn't mind eating what I cook but doing for the boys is going to be hard. We will see. It's more me feeling guilty. OK. So that is my update. I will be better about updating and you better believe that I will be bitching and complaining about how hungry I am. lol

Saturday June 12

I don't know

Auuggggg! I don't know how to explain this feeling. It's got to be hormonal. It might be worse for someone with ADD. I don't know but EVERYTHING is bugging me. The normal things that bug me tha I can blow off are like 10 times worse than usual. I got so overwhelmed at being irritiated last night that I just had to go home. Simple conversations aren't simple. It's like talking in a foriegn language and I don't have my normal patience to get through it. I am thinking that if I were eating better right now that this might not be so bad but I have felt like this many times in my life and I can't say that I have ever paid enough attention to it to say that I knew my eating habbits at the time. I know I have a hard time in November and have for at leat 15 years if not longer. This spring summer issue hasn't be going on as long. Like I said I have never written it down so I don't know its cyle. I am not calling it PMS because it's not monthly. If it was I may have killed myself already. I so truly HATE being so emotionaly out of control.

I don't feel that I am depressed. I feel emotionaly out of control which makes me want to lock myself away because I can't handle any normal situation and that does depress me but it is a result not a cause. I want to say that the ADD use to do this but it could just be this THING and I was just not aware of it. Age gives me awareness. I can see the pattern now when it comes and I can explain it to people (not that it helps) but some people understand. Is it fair to ask people to walk on egg shells until it passes? I don't know.

Here is how it goes. Normal things that piss me off a little but I can usually blow off are big things right now. Some things (once I know I am in this state) just need to be avoided. Other things (like living in the house with my family) can't be avoided. So what I think I should be able to do is say "I'm in a bad place right now so don't piss me off." I just don't have the extra patience. A couple of people get this and the reason I believe it is hormonal is 2 fold. One is because the feeling is cyclical and second is because the people who understand are all female. Is this meonpause. I don't know. Like I've said I have felt like this before. I am kicking myself for not writing stuff down 15 years ago but who does that. I have always had severe PMS. I was hoping that I would just float through menopause because PMS has always been so bad.

So here is how this all relates to eating. I feel bad, sad, depressed. When I feel like this I want to be comforted so I want to eat. What do I eat? Comfort foods. Salty sweet swelling foods. How do I feel after I eat? BAD! So, now that I am aware I am in this place, I am going to do my best to eat well.This morning I am going to have a Yoplait smoothy with protien. This is more comforting that plain protien powder and not as healthy but definately not as bad as the Costco banana nut muffin or the hashbrowns, sausage and egg that I would rather be eating right now.

The bad thing is that I feel bad. The good thing is that I caught it early and I am aware of it and I am going to try to deal with it by eating well, not drinking alcohal maybe even exercising and writing. I am really glad I wrote this down. I feel better. Oh ya, I am also going to do my stress relief hypnosis. Before I would have been depressed because I hate this feeling. I would want everyone around me to now piss me off. Which still would be nice but they just don't get it. I would eat and drink a lot which makes me feel physically bad afterward and may even prolong the whatever this is.

OK! I feel better so I'm gonna go now. I did not proof read today.

Thursday June 10

283.4 wtf

I got a letter today from the insurance company that stated that I DO qualify for bariatric surgery. Yeah. Well kind of. There was a bunch of mumbo jumbo in there that says it might not cover everything. It is very frustrating. I need to get moving on my 30 lbs. I think I am closer to being successful with that. I can concentrate so I will write more later.

Wedneday June 9

281.5

My poles are great. Our friends have a discgolf course and it is semi hilly. Eli, Jeanne, Devon, Isabelle and I walked a good portion of it yesterday and I did great. Today I am sore but that's ok. Today Eli wanted to go on a walk but it was raining so he asked if we could go swim in Ann's pool. Eli knows that Ann's pool is bath tub temperature so we can go in the rain. Nathan went with us and it was a blast. We are getting him comfortable with getting his face in the water. He really doesn't like it. My back hurts but the water was the best place for me today. Thanks Ann!

I am doing ok with the sugars. Well better than I am with salts. Someone left a piece of banana muffin next to the computer this morning and it went really well with my coffee. Then for breakfast I had a protien shake with 2 scoops of powder and a banana. Nachos for lunch.

Haven't heard from the surgeon or the insurance. I did hang up on a witheld call on my cell but they need to not be with held or get to the damn phone right away. I think I am starting menopause. Maybe, who knows. I will let you know when it is over. I just feel crazy. My add is bad right now. I can't focus on simple conversations and it frustrates me. I am sure it frustrates those around me. At least once my weight drops my blood pressure should go down and then I can get my meds again.

I am eating a couple of bites of one of those fruit juice bars that I could barely choke down awhile ago becaue it was so sweet. I am having no problem. NOT A GOOD THING! It's orange instead of strawberry but still. Eli is sitting on the toilet making shooting noices. My kids use to sing.

Saturday June 5

Not sure

I have not been writing cuz I have been busy eating. LOL Not really LOL but I have been eating a lot. Sugar and salt are back. I just don't understand why, when I know I feel better when I don't eat these things, I continue to eat them. I also have been drinking. I LOVE TO DRINK! I hate the way I feel afterward. Again! Why do I do things that hurt. I have pain when I don't eat and I can't stand that pain but I surely can handle a hang over or the results of being morbidly obese. These are the things I really have to get a grip on so that when I have the surgery that I don't gain the weight back.

On Tuesday the surgeons office called and said that the insurance called and said that they need a 5 year weight history by 4 PM central time on Wednesday. WHAT a CROCK of SHIT! I have been sitting around waiting for something to happen for over a month and all of a sudden they need this info by tomorrow! Well, I think it's a ploy to turn you down. Well, I got the damn weight history to the surgeon and she got it to the insurance. HA to the MAN!

So for Mother's Day I got boxing gloves with sparing pads. Not used them even once! Eli has used them more than I have. But this week I walking poles. I used them today to walk up our dirt road. I got my heart rate up and sweated like crazy. That is good. The pain isn't there. I don't know the difference but there is a huge one.

Hopefully I am back. I need to eat better and exercise at the same time.

Friday May 28

I'm not posting my weight because I don't believe it. I think my scale is broken. I have been eating like shit and it says it's at 277. I don't believe it.

Today I ate a protien smoothy then we went to dinner and had fresh spring rolls and a half a siagon crepe and half of the bun.

I hate this.

Thursday May 27

I'm not talking about weight today. Nathan is in Disneyland and I ate 3 Krispy Creams the other day. I will get back on board soon.

So today I was watching the doctors and they were talking about pre marital sex. And I was getting mad because some lady on there was saying that parents are qualified to teach their kids about it because they are not informed. Well I think i am so I was offended. They started talking about rainbow parties and I of course had to google it. So I am not totally informed but I think I am pretty good. I talk to my boys. I am sitting here writing and talking to Lucas who is not answering any of my questions right. He is not having pre marital sex and he won't listen to my rules so if he changes his mind, he is going to be in trouble. Not really cuz he is a very good boy and won't mess up.

Here is where I stand. Expecting your kids to never have premarital sex I think is niave. I do hope for that but won't be crushed if it doesn't happen. These are the rules. NO meaningless sex. No unprotected sex. That is my bottom line.

OK I have to go type Lucas' culture fair paper. Let me know what ya'll think.

Saturday May 22

281.1

I don't feel like bloggings so it probably means that I should even more. It's been a busy week. Blaine had two track meets. My friend had her gastric bypass and Blaine turned 16 BUT!!!!!!! today...... my damn period finally came! I had NO clue it was coming.

Blaine's Tuesday track meet was at South. We hosted it so I got my wonderful little group together to do the discus and shot put. Nathan, and Kyle to the shot put and Brent Lucas and I did the discus. The Oakland Bay coach kept coming up to our coach and complaining about how we were doing things. We had never gotten direction from anyone (well last year Mr. Winn did tell me a little and I had different measurers but who remembers what they did last year.) A mom was over by the shot and she made Nathan so mad that he thrust his note pad at her and asked her if she wanted to do it. He said that he was NEVER volunteering again. That really made me mad that someone pissed him off that bad. Later I found out that I could have kicked her off the field cuz she wasn't suppose to be there. OK Thursday's track meet was really exciting. Blaine broke a John Sedgwick record from 1986 and he is the new state record of 167 feet. It is soo exciting! I keep checking athletic.net to see if it is updated but it is not yet.

My friend's gastric bypass was successful but they had to open her up and she was hoping that wouldn't be necessary and the surgery took 6 hours. I am not expecting mine to take as long. She had had a horrible car accident years ago which caused scar tissue and I think that had a lot to do with the scar tiussue. I have never been opened up so I don't expect to find any. She is doing well today and have taken her off IVs and she is taking things orally. I will probably go see her Monday.

Friday well lets back up. Thursday, Eli came and Emma and Kyle stayed the night. Friday, I took Emma and Kyle to school, picked Blaine up, got coffe at Starbucks and took Eli to school. Then Blaine and I went to Bremerton to get his photo taken and pay for his drivers license! He is now 16. We went to Amy's for lunch and took him back to school. Nathan and I went to Costco and got food for Blaine's party. I came home, made a watermelon fruit basket, cut up a pineapple and added grapes. Everyone came over. Nathan got 4 pizzas from Costco. We had a good time. Today, I am exhausted.

I will be back in a few days. I got a couple of names of really good surgery blogs. One is theworldaccordingtoeggface.

Tuesday May 18 (30th anniversary of Mt. St Helen's)

279.7

I am still doing my hypnosis. The basis of the weightloss in this program is to eat what you want but eat only half. Some days I eat healthy like a protien shake and I eat the whole thing because I need it. Other days I eat what I want and I can eat half. I made an omlette this morning with smoked salmon and brie! I really wanted to eat it ALL. I cut it in half before I started eating. I ate half and I enjoyed it. I slowed down and enjoyed every bite.

I am still trying to stay away from sugar and salt. I found myself eating more salt and it didn't affect me that badly as far as the swelling goes but as soon as I ate some sugar POOF! I blew up like a marshmallow, so I am really trying to not eat sugar and to eat less salt. My taste buds are changing. My friends gastric by pass is surgery is this Friday and i don't know when or if mine will ever happen. I know I am doing well and I am so happy for her that she can do this and she will feel so much better but I think it's going to be hard to just watch the pounds drop off. Maybe it will be more of an incentive!!! Yes yes yes. Go friend! I love you.

Today is Blaine's track meet. I so love to watch him throw.

How can I get Jillian to read my blog?

Monday May 17

280.4

All I did yesterday was EAT. Thank you Elsie. It was soooo good.

Today I am very frustrated because I don't know Gods plan for me as far as this weightloss and this surgery goes. I got the scope like the doctor wanted then I met with the PA and she said that everything should go ahead. I have to lose 30 lbs which I am working on. I called a couple of weeks ago and the office had done nothing with the insurance but she would call me Monday or Tuesday and let me know what the insurance requirements are. That was a couple of weeks ago. It straight up pisses me off. I hate having to hound them. If I didn't pay my bill they wouldn't hound me they would send me to collections.

I still need Jillian to come exercise with me. I don't want her but I need her.

I wonder if this insurance dragging is God telling me there is another way. If there is God, Please tell me what it is SOON!

See ya tomorrow.

Sunday May 16

279.9

I slept like a ROCK last night. Probably because Blaine walks a million miles and minute and doesn't slow down just because his mom is fat and slow. We got up, rode the ferry to Seattle, walked up a desent grade to Pike place where we met Elsie. We first met Elsie when Mark and I were at WSU in 1985. I haven't seen her in 13 years. It was a great day. You know those kind of people that your can talk to once a year and not see for decades and then act like you had just seen them yesterday when you get together? That is how we are. I figure I burned off most of what I ate yesterday. I had a Hum Bow, then Elsie cooked some fish curry (with fresh yummy salmon) then they took us to Anthoney's. I ate the whole hum bow, picked at the salmon because it was getting to late for lunch and ate 1/2 of my crab cake for dinner. This morning I ate the other crab cake for breakfast and had some fish curry. My downfall still is this damn carmel corn that Lucas makes. I LOVE IT! I still have to get into this exercise thing because I am not motivated. Loosing weight would be a lot easier if I exercised but it HURTS.

Still listening to the hypnosis. If nothing else, I feel great when I come out.

Friday May 14

279.4 Again!

It seems like I spend the whole week re losing the weight I gained on the weekend. I need to try to be good this week end.

We got our half a side of beef yesterday.

I can't think of anything to say. Oh MY GOSH!!!!! It's a miricle. I can't believe I am out of words. OK, phew, it only lasted a minute.

I need to exercise. I don't want to exercise. I sweat really really badly and I hate it. The only exercises I can do is swim or ride my bike. I have NO motiviation. This is what I need Jillian for. I think I am ok, not great but ok when it comes to food. I am back on track with the sugar and kinda ok with salt. I just can't get motiviated to exercise. Nathan is driving me crazy right now. He wants me to stop blogging a go put hotdogs on the BBQ. Arggggg.

OK, someone get Jillian or Bob (I'd rather have Bob) come exercise with me so I can get moving a little faster. Gotta go grill those gross dogs!

Wednesday May 11

283.1 I think.

I was just watching Oprah. I am interested in a book she featured. Women, Food, and God author Geneen Roth helps you conquer your food issues once and for all. So I am getting this book because I need to get this under control before my surgery. I have to go get Blaine. More later.

Tues. May 11

283.1
I'm back on track. I had protien this morning and cantelope. Blaine has track today. I am excited to see him throw. Eli is going home today. He is having a tough day. I still havn't had a damn period. Is it menopause or well I know I'm not pregnant. I have back pain, I'm bithcy. I'm crampy. UG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How long will I feel like this. Oh ya and last night Lucas made carmel corn. He thought that I thought that he couldn't do it because I did not want him to make it. I didn't want him to make it because I LOVE carmel corn and I sholdn't eat it. But eat it I did. It was delicious! He did a great job. He learned this in cooking. I like cooking! Eli and I cooked a turkey Saturday and he was talking to the turkey. He said "turkey, don't be sad." I have it on video. Hopefully I will have more to talk about tomorrow.

Monday May 10

283.9

Had WAY too much fun this weekend. I am writing this so I don't stop all together. This is a hard, when things get tough but I'm back on. I got an mp3 player for mothers day and I am listening to the hypnosis lessons and they are making me feel good. For Mother's Day we went to church, the horse races and to Amy's on the Bay for dinner. Eli is here today. I need to get in the shower. I have been drinking. I am going to stop. I just wish I could drink without drinking too much but I can't so I can't drink. Mark is upstairs so I need to go take a shower while someone is watching Eli. More later.

Friday May 7

279.8

I am very frustrated today. My damn period hasn't started and I am still crazy.

The weightloss cd is kinda bugging me becuase it says to eat anything I want just eat half. Half of What? I am try to no over eat and I am try to still make good food choices. I have eaten WAY too much fried food today but I have tried to eat half. I had hash browns for breakfast. I don't cut my egg in half but I only put half of the browns that I cooked on the plate. I also added onions and yellow peppers to it. Diana took me to Osaka for lunch and I had the bento box. It was very big and I ate it all except the rice. There were only about 5 pieces of spicey chicken and the sushi was a raw fish sushi not calif. roll that has mayo in it. I ate all of the tempura and loved it! Diana almost died choking on fat. For dinner I had french fries (shared a lot with Skipper), 3/4 of a corn dog and lettuce with blue cheese. Skipper is going to get fat eating the food I don't. I can't leave it on my plate.

Back to the crazies. Diana and I were coming back from Silverdale. Lucas started texting me asking if he could go to a movie tonight with friends. I asked who. He hasn't done this before. I knew a cople of kids but didn't think he ever did anything with them. I asked how he was getting there and he said me. I don't let my kids go bythemselves to meet friends. They have to go with at least one friend so I said that the one who lives close to us should ride with us of visa versa. Lucas texted and he said that I would drive there and they would pick up. Further communication revealed that the tickets were selling out fast and they were going to buy theirs and we should get Lucas'. So we go to Blaine's school, get him and head of to the theater. We get there and the friend was right in front of us and I say something to the dad about what time I should pick the son up and the dad said that he was going. That threw me cuz I Lucas had made arrangements. So I was a bit irritated so then I just asked if Lucas could ride with them. But I felt like a dumb ass because I didn't sound like I knew what I was talking about. So they leave and we get up to the counter and we said something and I said that Lucas was driving me crazy and he goes "she's driving me crazy!" Well that's all I needed. We left, no ticket, no movie. I know I have no patience right now but embarrassing me in public is something that we talk about. So we happened to park right next to the friend and the dad goes so do you want to bring Lucas over and I had to tell him that Lucas wasn't going. I wish this damn period would start and finish cuz I'm not going to survive much more of this.

On a good note. I feel more productive still. I washed Nathan's bedding today and got it in the dryer. Nathan and I cleaned out our nasty garbage can yesterday and I watered my garden. Today I bought some dog shears and cut skipper. Poor Skipper. I suck at shaving. I had to stop to go get Blaine so he has one long ear and one shave ear.I feel fat today and my back hurts. What does that mean?

OK thanks for listening.

Wed. May 5 Feliz Cinco De Mayo

278.9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm on my way to 275. Still listening to the CDs and I think they are working. They are making me mad right now because the DVD player I am playing them on in my room right now is skipping around in the middle of my hypnosis. I don't know if it's the player or the cd. I am ripping all the CDs to my computer just in case it's the cds and that way I will have a back up.

I think the suggestions are working. I am modifying things a bit because the dude says to eat what ever you want but just eat half. I have already modified my eating, like protien powder or I already eat the six inch sub instead of the 12 inch. I am not ready to eat 3 inches. that sounds funny.

Blaine's track meet went well for Blaine. Well I think it went well. He threw the discus 118 feet. He didn't like it but it was 18 feet further than anyone else. He was second in shot put. I think he will be better in shot next year when he trains more with weights. He thinks he placed in the long jump too. We ate Subway. I do well at Subway. I get the black forest ham with lots of veggies, no chesse and some vinegar. I could get mustard on it but I don't. I get it toasted.

I ate popcorn last night. My popcorn is full of FAT but I love it. I ate half. My salt battle is a battle right now. Sweets, I am still doing well with. I did have some cheap chocolate the other night. No period still. Ug. I have not knowing what's going on in my body. All of my CDs are ripped and now Nathan needs his chocolate chip pancake. He tried to make them Monday and from the garbage can it looked good but he said it was raw inside. I forget to teach him the things I take for granted.

Monday April 3

280.9
I LOVE the hypnosis program. I slept like a ROCK last night. I wake up like I normally do but I did my business and went straight back to sleep. I did not worry about all the dumb things that usually keep me up and Mark's snoring didn't keep me up. I am not quaking like a duck yet so it's all good.

Eating half? I have been trying to eat half but I had already switched to healthier food and right now I am not willing to switch back and if I ate half of what I am eating now, I would be too hungry. For example: I drink a protien shake in the morning. I follow the directions and I have one scoop and 6 oz. water. I am not cutting that in half. If I do decide to have a breakfast sandwich I will try eating half. He says that if you don't eat half then he puts a suggestion in that you will feel full and bloated. I am really trying not to eat too much and I don't feel like I am stuffing myself. Diana and I went to Mossimo for lunch today and I had a seafood salad. It was soooo good. Salmon, halibut, shrimp, clams, muscles over a bed of spinach. It wasn't very big and I don't think there was very much fat in it. I ate it all!!! I think I am making good choices.

I have 3 CDs in the package I bought. A weightloss CD, an activity, engery and exercise cd and a stress cd. I am trying to listen to the weightloss cd before bed and at wake up time. When I feel a little dragging I listen to one of the others. I think this is good for me because I have done some meditation and yoga and a little energy healing so I am familiar with relaxation techniques and I am not worried about hidden suggestions.

Sunday May 2

282.4

I listened to my hypnosis CD today. I love hypnosis. Without sleeping you laydown, close your eyes, listen to someone who is trying to help you make your life better and you come out feeling way better than you did when you woke up after an entire nights sleep. I did the weightloss one first then I listened to the energy and productivity one and when I got up I folded the whole load of whites that Mark had on the bed. Whites are the worst! They have all the socks in them. We bought a 1/4 of a cow and I have to defrost the freezer before it's ready. Before I defrost the freezer and have to go through the two small freezers to make room for the stuff int he big frezzer. I think I may start that today!

Lucas had to games yesterday. The second game was the first game that they had that they weren't 10 runned. It's hard to watch. They lose such heart when they lose so badly. The age is suppose to be 13 and 14 year olds but the two Eastern teams got a waiver to allow 15 year olds on their teams. So these little unpubertied boys are playing against these monsters! They hit one out of the park and we can barely get one out of the infield. lol OK enough of that. My point about the games was that I ate a burger. The Sablans were cooking otherwise I probably wouldn't have bothered but they can cook! I ordered a single play. That is a bacon cheese burger with fries and soda. I gave my bacon to Nathan, 95% of my fries to Lucas and my soda.

The premis for the hypnosis CD is to not deprive yourself. The suggestion that he gives is to eat what you want but eat half. That cracks me up because that is what the bariatric surgeon said to do to take off that 30lbs I need to before surgery. Wouldn't it be funny if the hypnosis works and I dont' need the surgery. He says to have the sweets and salts that you want but eat half but he also says that he puts in suggestions that you won't want the sweets and salts. He puts in that you will crave healthy alternatives.

It's 10:30 am. The house is way too quiet. Lucas is still in bed. Nathan is at work and Blaine stayed the night at a friends. I don't know where Mark is.

See ya soon.

Friday April 30

279.4

Gayle and I talked earlier in the week and I said that I needed to call the bariatric doctor and to see what was up. Where am I in the process. Making sure that I didn't get lost in the shuffle. Well, that was a good thing! First I listened to their voice recording and it says that if you want to know about your insurance coverage, call your insurance company. So I called my insurance and they hav no record of a bariatric surgery request. So... I called my doctor and pushed the right buttons and got a person and she asked me my insurance and I told her and she said that that wasn't the insurance I had on file. I had given them my knew insurance. So on Monday they are going to see what they need to get to send to the insurance. I thought the balls were rolling and they weren't. Oh well, that is why Gayle and I said I should call! TGFGayle!

I went to Colello's produce today again. They have bags like grab bags of produce. I was there around 10 and got vine ripened tomatoes, 3 different kinds of peppers, beef steak tomotoes and roma's and white onions for $5 and I am making pasta sauce. It smells so good. I also got more lettuce, some mangos, avacados, yams and apples. I ended up spending $24. I added the avacado and mangos to this chicken, black bean cilantro, corn mixture that I have. I put some in a whole wheat tortillia. It was delish.

Cassi, Eli's mom, called today to tell me that Darren is in jail. Darren is my friend and Eli's dad. Darren's crazy girlfriend thinks I turned him in. Even if I feel that jail sometimes is the best place for Darren, I would never turn him in. I have spent tons of time and energy taking him to his DOC appointments trying to get him to do things the "right way" to turn around and turn him in. I just didn't want him to go to jail. Well I wrote him a letter in jail telling him that if he thinks I turned him in then my heart is broken. Now I am fine. BUT...

I do want to drink tonight. I want Margaritas still or dark beer but mostly margaritas. I am still PMS and crazy bitching it. My goal is to be pretty good this weekend so that I can get to 275 sometime in the next two weeks. Have a great weekend.

Thurs. April 29

281.6

There is a raging BITCH inside my body today! I wish I could crawl out and fly up in a tree and just watch for a day or two. Can you imagine that? Me just watching and not talking?!!! I'd fall out of the tree. I am so PMS and I never have any idea of when it will end or start (my period that is). I am really wondering worried about what menopause is going to be like.

Lucas' game go rained out last night but we had to drive all the way there to find out. Then Mark and I went to Blaine's honor society presentation and Blaine would not sit with us. How mad I was about it was a clue to me being PMS because I was really really mad.

Did I say yesterday that I ate 5 pieces of fish and 3 frenchfries yesterday at lunch? I had a double protien and coffee drink before we left for Lucas' game. When we got home from Blaine's thingy I wanted desert so I to some yams and made them into patties and browned them in some butter. Not great but better than a bowl of icecream! I as still craving after that and instead of an apple and almonds for my snack I had pistachios!!!!!!! I love them oh so much but they are so so salty.

I woke up at 1:00 am and was laying there thinking of things I didn't want to be thinking about. At 2:00 am Eli woke up to pee. 2:30 is the last time I remember looking at the clock and my little darling Eli crawled into bed with us at 5:30. He is now napping while I type in peace. We started our morning eating and by the way our last night eating with apples. I use my slicer and he eats the inside the hands the peel and some good meat over to me telling me he's done. After that this morning I had protien mixed with water and then my bff coffee. Now I am snacking on an apple and some almonds. I could so easily go way off the deep end right now. But I really want to get to 275 in the next week and I have to try hard to get there.

I don't feel depressed or sad or anything I just feel bitchy, like mean bitchy. I need to go somewhere for a few days but then I wouldn't have anyone to yell at. I seem to have this crazy patience with Eli so I guess it's good that he is hear.

OK Enough bitching. Ta ta.

Wednesday April 28 2010

280.3

So here is a big problem for me. I feel that some foods that I really love will be out of my food choices for the rest of my life so in my head now is the time to be eating them. How can I eat them and still lose weight? This is really backwards thinking and I know I have to take care of this mixed up thought process. I am not really acting on it too much. I think the PMS insanity is having something to do with it because I didn't do this at all last week. This week I have already had my popcorn and now I want to go have all you can eat fish and chips at Amy's to celebrate their 4th anniversary. I love fish and chips. Oh I am so PMS.

On a more positive note I am finding it easier (not a piece of cake but easier) fixing my family food that they want but I can not eat. Today Nathan wanted hash browns and as long as I drank my protien drink before or during the cooking I was fine. I love to cook and I was fliping the hasbrowns with the whole pan. It was fun. Life isn't just about eating.

Did I say that I ordered the hypnosis cds yesterday? I did. I am excited. I hope the voice is easy to listen to.

Tonight is a busy night. Nathan is at OC with car #2 until 7:30. Blaine has track then honor society and Lucas has a baseball game at Eastern.

I am really working on the eating aspect of life right now but I know I have to start exercising. I need bike riding partners. Walking is just too painful.

Tuesday April 27

281.7

PMS is a cruel reality in my life. I can go crazy during this time. Last night I ate popcorn. Some of you may not think this is a big deal but if you know me, you know how I make my popcorn. I cook it in oil and put (last night) about 3/4 of a stick of butter on it. I did not put any extra salt on. I usually put a lot of salt on. I ate a bunch last night and the rest today. I never know when I am actually PMS but whenever I start to feel this out of control eating or crazy emotions my friend comes within a day or so.

I ordered the hypnosis CDs today. It was a total scam website but I ordered only what I had planned on. The only reason I am ordering it is because I have done some hypnosis before and truely believe that I am a good candidate. I think I am in the right place for this. I do need a mp3 player though.

I am in so much pain today. My right side constantly hurts. My theory is that it is my panis (big fat ugly gross stomach flap) that is pushing down on my leg and nerves. It causes pain in my groin, over to my hip and muscle pain in my quad, up t my arm and shoulder. I am hoping that this is the cause of the pain and that losing the weight will eliminated the pain and I will be fine. If it isn't it, I have some weird disease.

OK so still no sugar like cookies, candy, icecream. Very little salt. Things taste better. I hurt but that will get better.

I had a great day with Nathan. We went to the mall then home then on the big hunt for a sports illistrated magazine for his English 102 class. No luck. Why didn't I think of Borders!

Monday April 26

280.6 The weekends kill me but it's all a choice.

Yesterday I took some chicken breasts and coated them with a mixture of chilli powder, cumin, garlic powder and a little cayenne (I don't spell well). I sprayed the BBQ with Pam and grilled the breasts. I cut them up (cutting my finger) and put them in with a can of black beans, some chopped up peaches, pineapple, a can of green chillies and a can of corn. I put it in a whole wheat tortillia. I had this as a late afternoon snack so that I didn't eat too much dinner. I made Cincinatti Chilli. I made mine with whole wheat pasta and Nikki you are right. It's not bad at all. I can totally do whole wheat for the rest of my life. I think they have made it better over the years. It's not mushy anymore.

I haven't bought the hypnosis cd yet but I still really want to. I was trying to read consumer reports about it. I don't care how it has worked for others because hypnosis is extremely individual. You have to be very open to the suggestions and I think I am. I have to go now and make Nathan a chocolatechip pancake. TTFN

Sunday April 25

282.6 This weekend was a challenge. Friday night I went to a party and chose to drink and when I drink, I drink too much. I had margaritas which were lovely but after that I had B52's which were oh so yummy but that definately broke my sugar rule and I felt like shit yesterday. I will probably drink a couple of more times before my surgery but not too much and I can't afterward because I believe my liver just won't be able to handle it and I am doing the surgery in order to live and drinking is just going to kill me. Yesterday we went to Devon and Isabelle's 2nd and 1st birthday party and I had a cupcake. It was soooo delicious. Jeanne makes them from scratch and the frosting. I really enjoyed it. I also had pizza which breaks my salt rule. They also had homemade carmels that Jeanne's dad makes. I avoided them because I do not feel that I could eat just one. Her dad said the healthiest think in the carmel is the vanilla. Jeanne had plenty of fruits and a nice salad and I did enjoy those. Friday night I had a soft taco with chicken. I am back on track today. Jeanne sent us home with 2 pizzas. I can feed the boys that and focus my cooking on me. Yesterday I saw an informercial on weightloss hypnosis programs. I really want to buy it. I am totally into hypnosis. I would have done the one in Bellevue but I am paranoid about driving to Bellevue. OK so I may order it. I can use all the help I can get right now. Have a good week. Andi

Friday April 23

279.9 Yipeee.

Thursday April 22

Today the scale said 280.5. Right now I am eating a slice of creamy havarti cheese and my Gayle's recipe for potato salad which I usualy shake salt on every bite. Without sugar and salt added to my diet I am finding I am enjoying the taste of things more. The potato salad has sweet pickles in it which has salt and sugar in them and mayo is pretty sweet but that is all I need. It is salty and sweet enough on it's out. That is a good thing. We will see how the scale and my feet look tomorrow to see if this was a bad thing or not. Eli and I went to Kim Wood's house to ride Kramer, her Shetland pony, today. I brought my bike because I can not walk without horrible pain but I can ride just fine. Eli wants a gogurt so I gotta go.

Wednesday

So I was back to 281.7 again today. I ate well. I had a protien drink, an apple, 25 almonds, navy bean kale sausage soup, some tortillia chips and 3 french fries. We went down to the ball park tonight and all I had was 3 french fries. No double cheese burger fries and lots of ketsup. I did snack on some more almonds at the park and I had some salad with blue cheese on it when I got home. We will see what the scale says in the morning. Walking into Subway with Lucas today and not getting anything was harder than being at the ballpark tonight. Subway smells so good. Eli and I are suppose to go to Anns to exercise tomorrow but if it's nice we are calling Kim and we are going to go ride Kramer and I am going to bring my bike I think. I can't walk very far but I can ride and ride. Good night see me tomorrow.

I am not writing because as soon as I posted that I weighed 281.7 I went up to 285 yesterday and today I was at 284. I knew that was going to happen. Maybe I won't post as often as I weigh because I am an ocd weigher.

OK so this is my place to talk about anything and so here it goes. I like to talk about POOP! I love to poop. I don't poop very well on my own. I drink fiber and I take stool softeners. My doctor told me to always take fiber because I need help. I have had a colonoscopy and hemroid surgery and pushing fucks up your colon so I take fiber. Well I am ADD so I mix things up. I use to drink my fiber and it bloated me very badly so then I switched to fiber tabs. Sometimes I juice and that helps. Recently I have been taking stool softeners. My neighbor told me that you can become resistant to them so I stopped and now I haven't pooped much this week. Soooooo today I drank my old drinky fiber. We will see how it goes. I have done the colon cleanse that is on TV twice and that makes me feel better. I HATE being constipated! Before I do this surgery I want to do a colonic irrigation so that I can get all the 40+ year old poop out of my colon before I loose weight. This might be part of why my weight went up.

Another reason my weight may have gone up is because I ate BBQ twice last week and Monday I went to lunch and had spicy peanut chicken. It wasn't fried but I am sure it had a lot of sodium in it. I still haven't had sugary foods (wait I accidently ate most of my fortune cookie before I realized what I was doing). I did have a few tortillia chips but I have cut my salt way way down. I feel good about this. I am taking baby steps. Doing the surgery is going to be a HUGE step so right now I am working on my 30 lbs. Today I ate one protien shake, 25 almonds and 4 shrimp with black bean chili. I don't feel hungry so I am thinking it's because I HAVEN'T POOPED!

I went to Ann's to exercise today. Thank you thank you Ann for calling me. I asked Nathan if he would exercise with me and he told me to mow the lawn. I almost did but Ann saved me. We did a video. Mark asked me what kind of video we did and I said a SEX video! I'm not a smart ass. Poor Mark. We did a very low impact cardio workout with some lower body work and some floor work. It was good for me. I am sore. My right side is sore all the time. After I got home I hung on the inversion machine. I hurt but I feel good for working out. Anyone who wants to ride bikes with me let me know.

I am eating a lot more fresh foods. I feel good. I can do this!!! Moooahhhhhh

It's Sunday. Mark and Lucas have been gone at the fair since Wednesday. Eating has not been too bad since they have been gone. Blaine will usually eat anything I eat and he will eat what Nathan is eating if not. Yesterday I took Nathan to work. Eli had an omlette for breakfast. I had an egg, two thin slices of Kirland lunchmeat ham on an Oroweat thin bun thingy. I had protien drinks twice and I fried me up some halibut for dinner. Oh for lunch I had a tortillia (whole wheat) with four nice size shrimp and my black bean chilli. Eli and I went to Costco all by ourselves. We never go alone but it was good. We brought home a pizza for Nathan and Blaine and two shoulder roasts for Curts to smoke. I buy them and he cooks them and keeps one. I think it is a perfect relationship! Much better than famous Daves.

Today we waited for Nathan to come home from work then Blaine and I took Eli home. He lives in Bremerton and Blaine needed driving practise over there. On our way home we stopped at Fred Meyer and I only spent $5.48. We stopped by the produce stand after that I I spent $29. Today I got Kale, yams, jicima, red and green lettuce, a humungous artichoke, and 3 different kinds of apples. I wasn't going to try an artichoke because the only way I can eat them is to dip them in butter but the lady there told me to dip it in balsalmic and i love balsalmic so I am trying it! The jicima is very juicey and has a lot of fiber and nutrients. It is low in calories and an excellent source of fiber, potassium, iron, calcium, and vitamins C and E. In fact, 1 cup of jicama contains nearly 6 grams of fiber. I peeled and sliced it and am eating it raw.

I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 281.7 lbs. I am having some pulled pork tonight so we will see what that does to the scales in the morning. Gotta go save my artichoke. Bye for now.

Oh boy! I did more physically today than I have in a very long time. I got out of bed! Ha. Took a shower, drove to Bremerton to get Eli for preschool, worked in the class with Eli (haven't done that since Lucas was in preschool), begged Nathan to take us to the fair to see Mark and Lucas, walked around the fair till I wanted to die, went to Albertsons for black beans and Rotelle and left them in the cart, came home and took a tub!

I am TIRED! Last night the boys and I went to Famous Daves and I had BBQ with sauce. It wasn't worth it. Quality was bad. A few more of these experiences may get me to understand to just eat my own food and take the time to cook. It doesn't help when I leave my beans in the cart at the store! Right now I really really really want to call Ann and go have a (10) margaritas and chips and bean dip. I never feel good afterward so I have to tell myself that but I still really want to. Ug. This is why I am fat. I am not good at saying no to myself. I was 288 last Sunday and today I was 283. It is good. I have drank 2 protien shakes, ate one apple and 25 almonds so far today and I am feeling pretty good. I am making black bean chilli for dinner. Hopefully I will make it and not ditch it for margaritas!!!! I haven't drank since Fat Tuesday but it sounds soooo good right now.

When I am hungry

When I am hungry a sliced apple and 25 raw almonds seem to work well. They aren't easy to eat like a whole bag of BBQ chips that you can just cram into your mouth. You have to chew and chew and chew. That is a good thing. I bought the apples at the new produce stand on Bethel. They are Fujis and very flavorful. The almonds are from Costco. It is a sustaining snack. This is way more fun than doing laundry.

So here is an article on almonds.

If you've never tried snacking on raw almonds, you're really missing out! In fact, raw almonds are some of the healthiest, most "nutritionally-dense," energy-packed fitness superfoods available. They're also on the top of the list of preferred snack foods for anyone following an alkaline diet. Best of all, almonds have more dietary fiber and more calcium than any other nut -- great for anyone looking to lose weight!4 Reasons to Grab a Handful of Almonds as Your Next SnackDuring American Heart Month, a New Study Adds to the Body of Research on Almonds' Healthy Heart and Weight BenefitsCrunchy, handy almonds have been sighted in many new breakfast, snack, and salad products as research continues to show their healthful qualities. So, when you're perusing the supermarket aisles during American Heart Month (February) or National Nutrition Month (March), consider these three reasons almonds fit the bill as a perfect nutritional "boost" to meals and snacks:1) New research supports almonds' ability to lower cholesterol. A study to be published Monday in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition provides more evidence that almonds are one of the most heart-healthy foods around.The study finds that when directly compared to first-generation statins, a certain heart-healthy dietary approach including almonds is just as effective in lowering LDL, or "bad," cholesterol below the recommended range for heart disease prevention.The approach, known as the "Portfolio" eating plan because it includes a variety of heart-healthy foods, included foods such as oatmeal, beans, olive oil, soy products, and a daily one-ounce handful of almonds. Researchers called almonds a "mini-Portfolio" because in and of themselves, they contain several components emphasized in the eating plan -- vegetable protein, fiber, plant sterols and other several heart-healthy nutrients.According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than half of all American adults have cholesterol levels higher than they should be.2) Almonds are nutritionally dense -- a quality emphasized in the government's latest Dietary Guidelines. Almonds are the most nutritionally dense nut, whether compared calorie per calorie or ounce per ounce. The recently released Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2005 encourage Americans to choose nutritionally dense foods -- that is, to get the most nutrition possible out of the calories you eat. A one-ounce, 164-calorie serving of almonds, or about a handful, is an excellent source of vitamin E and magnesium, and a good source of fiber. It also offers heart-healthy monounsaturated fat, protein, potassium, calcium, phosphorous and iron.In fact, according to a study in the British Journal of Nutrition last fall, individuals who added almonds as a snack to their regular diet increased their overall intake of several important nutrients. The study's researchers, from Loma Linda University in California, concluded that incorporating almonds into a diet may promote the natural displacement of less nutrient-dense foods, making the overall nutritional quality of the diet better.3) Eating almonds may help maintain or even lose weight. A recent study in the International Journal of Obesity found that adding a daily ration of almonds to a low-calorie diet enhanced weight loss, as well as significantly improved risk factors associated with heart disease, when compared to a low-fat, low-calorie diet. Researchers cited almonds' heart-healthy monounsaturated fat as being very satiating, helping satisfy the appetite and prevent patients from overeating.4) Almonds are tasty, satisfying and versatile. Whether added to low-fat yogurt, included in a healthy trail mix, or munched on their own, almonds have a toasty crunch that's perfect for any time of day, and for many other foods.

A new Andi

This is a place for me to talk about my weightloss journey. I am trying not to use the word struggle because right now I am trying to have a positive attitude about it but it definately is a struggle.

In Sept. 2009 I went to see a weight loss surgeon. I weighed 290 lbs. He told me I qualified for the surgery but I needed to lose 10% of my bodyweight before I could have it. The next step was to sign up for an EGD. An Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD) is an examination of the lining of the esophagus, stomach, and upper duodenum with a small camera. I scheduled it but once I got home I chickened out and canceled. I felt I wasn't informed enough and there was too much unknown.

I have a friend who is going through the same process but with the Navy and she is recieving excellent information which she has graciously shared with me. I felt better about the GB process so I scheduled the EGD and had it March 31 2010. I have a hernia. I think it is called a hiatal hernia. It will be repaired during the bypass surgery. There were also a lot of red irritated places in the stomach that were biopsied and came back normal.

Next step, lose the 30 lbs!!! I feel like if I can do that then why do I need the surgery. I am so very whiney about this. I can't excercise too much because I am in constant pain and I can't lose weight without exercising. It's hard for me to reduce my calories because I am the main cook bla bla bla. The other day I was just stuck in this whine fest of self pitty. I was misserable.

After I stopped freaking out I tried to pick something small. I have had a lot of swelling issues lately and I have to go on a liquid diet for two weeks prior to surgery. I will be intaking mostly protien. The PA I spoke with about my EGD results said to go on a high protien diet. This was overwhelming to me. I decided that I need to get use to not having sugar. I don't eat a ton but when I want it it is all encompassing.

Starting Tuesday April 13 I stopped refined sugars. I don't know how long this will go on for but I need to get use to not having it. I have been drinking at least two protien shakes a day and eating apples and raw almonds. The apple helps with the sugar cravings and the almonds keep me feeling full. Tuesday I rewarded myself with my very unhealthy popcorn because I wasn't having sugar and butter isn't sugar. I immediately swelled up like a baloon. Wednesday I cut salt. I did have a couple of very thin slices of ham but no added salt and I tried not to eat things with lots of salt. Today I was down 4 lbs.!!!! More importantly I don't feel tight and puffy.

My motto for now is baby steps. This is where I am going to bitch and whine and rejoice. If you want to read, read if you don't, don't. This is hard for me and I need to talk but not everyone wants to hear so will just blather on here and I will be fine. I can hardly wait to be at a normal weight. I'm going to take off the required weight so that the surgery can go smoothly. I'm going to get this done.

Andi