Friday, April 30, 2010

Friday April 30

279.4

Gayle and I talked earlier in the week and I said that I needed to call the bariatric doctor and to see what was up. Where am I in the process. Making sure that I didn't get lost in the shuffle. Well, that was a good thing! First I listened to their voice recording and it says that if you want to know about your insurance coverage, call your insurance company. So I called my insurance and they hav no record of a bariatric surgery request. So... I called my doctor and pushed the right buttons and got a person and she asked me my insurance and I told her and she said that that wasn't the insurance I had on file. I had given them my knew insurance. So on Monday they are going to see what they need to get to send to the insurance. I thought the balls were rolling and they weren't. Oh well, that is why Gayle and I said I should call! TGFGayle!

I went to Colello's produce today again. They have bags like grab bags of produce. I was there around 10 and got vine ripened tomatoes, 3 different kinds of peppers, beef steak tomotoes and roma's and white onions for $5 and I am making pasta sauce. It smells so good. I also got more lettuce, some mangos, avacados, yams and apples. I ended up spending $24. I added the avacado and mangos to this chicken, black bean cilantro, corn mixture that I have. I put some in a whole wheat tortillia. It was delish.

Cassi, Eli's mom, called today to tell me that Darren is in jail. Darren is my friend and Eli's dad. Darren's crazy girlfriend thinks I turned him in. Even if I feel that jail sometimes is the best place for Darren, I would never turn him in. I have spent tons of time and energy taking him to his DOC appointments trying to get him to do things the "right way" to turn around and turn him in. I just didn't want him to go to jail. Well I wrote him a letter in jail telling him that if he thinks I turned him in then my heart is broken. Now I am fine. BUT...

I do want to drink tonight. I want Margaritas still or dark beer but mostly margaritas. I am still PMS and crazy bitching it. My goal is to be pretty good this weekend so that I can get to 275 sometime in the next two weeks. Have a great weekend.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Thurs. April 29

281.6

There is a raging BITCH inside my body today! I wish I could crawl out and fly up in a tree and just watch for a day or two. Can you imagine that? Me just watching and not talking?!!! I'd fall out of the tree. I am so PMS and I never have any idea of when it will end or start (my period that is). I am really wondering worried about what menopause is going to be like.

Lucas' game go rained out last night but we had to drive all the way there to find out. Then Mark and I went to Blaine's honor society presentation and Blaine would not sit with us. How mad I was about it was a clue to me being PMS because I was really really mad.

Did I say yesterday that I ate 5 pieces of fish and 3 frenchfries yesterday at lunch? I had a double protien and coffee drink before we left for Lucas' game. When we got home from Blaine's thingy I wanted desert so I to some yams and made them into patties and browned them in some butter. Not great but better than a bowl of icecream! I as still craving after that and instead of an apple and almonds for my snack I had pistachios!!!!!!! I love them oh so much but they are so so salty.

I woke up at 1:00 am and was laying there thinking of things I didn't want to be thinking about. At 2:00 am Eli woke up to pee. 2:30 is the last time I remember looking at the clock and my little darling Eli crawled into bed with us at 5:30. He is now napping while I type in peace. We started our morning eating and by the way our last night eating with apples. I use my slicer and he eats the inside the hands the peel and some good meat over to me telling me he's done. After that this morning I had protien mixed with water and then my bff coffee. Now I am snacking on an apple and some almonds. I could so easily go way off the deep end right now. But I really want to get to 275 in the next week and I have to try hard to get there.

I don't feel depressed or sad or anything I just feel bitchy, like mean bitchy. I need to go somewhere for a few days but then I wouldn't have anyone to yell at. I seem to have this crazy patience with Eli so I guess it's good that he is hear.

OK Enough bitching. Ta ta.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Wednesday April 28 2010

280.3

So here is a big problem for me. I feel that some foods that I really love will be out of my food choices for the rest of my life so in my head now is the time to be eating them. How can I eat them and still lose weight? This is really backwards thinking and I know I have to take care of this mixed up thought process. I am not really acting on it too much. I think the PMS insanity is having something to do with it because I didn't do this at all last week. This week I have already had my popcorn and now I want to go have all you can eat fish and chips at Amy's to celebrate their 4th anniversary. I love fish and chips. Oh I am so PMS.

On a more positive note I am finding it easier (not a piece of cake but easier) fixing my family food that they want but I can not eat. Today Nathan wanted hash browns and as long as I drank my protien drink before or during the cooking I was fine. I love to cook and I was fliping the hasbrowns with the whole pan. It was fun. Life isn't just about eating.

Did I say that I ordered the hypnosis cds yesterday? I did. I am excited. I hope the voice is easy to listen to.

Tonight is a busy night. Nathan is at OC with car #2 until 7:30. Blaine has track then honor society and Lucas has a baseball game at Eastern.

I am really working on the eating aspect of life right now but I know I have to start exercising. I need bike riding partners. Walking is just too painful.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Tuesday April 27

281.7

PMS is a cruel reality in my life. I can go crazy during this time. Last night I ate popcorn. Some of you may not think this is a big deal but if you know me, you know how I make my popcorn. I cook it in oil and put (last night) about 3/4 of a stick of butter on it. I did not put any extra salt on. I usually put a lot of salt on. I ate a bunch last night and the rest today. I never know when I am actually PMS but whenever I start to feel this out of control eating or crazy emotions my friend comes within a day or so.

I ordered the hypnosis CDs today. It was a total scam website but I ordered only what I had planned on. The only reason I am ordering it is because I have done some hypnosis before and truely believe that I am a good candidate. I think I am in the right place for this. I do need a mp3 player though.

I am in so much pain today. My right side constantly hurts. My theory is that it is my panis (big fat ugly gross stomach flap) that is pushing down on my leg and nerves. It causes pain in my groin, over to my hip and muscle pain in my quad, up t my arm and shoulder. I am hoping that this is the cause of the pain and that losing the weight will eliminated the pain and I will be fine. If it isn't it, I have some weird disease.

OK so still no sugar like cookies, candy, icecream. Very little salt. Things taste better. I hurt but that will get better.

I had a great day with Nathan. We went to the mall then home then on the big hunt for a sports illistrated magazine for his English 102 class. No luck. Why didn't I think of Borders!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Monday April 26

280.6 The weekends kill me but it's all a choice.

Yesterday I took some chicken breasts and coated them with a mixture of chilli powder, cumin, garlic powder and a little cayenne (I don't spell well). I sprayed the BBQ with Pam and grilled the breasts. I cut them up (cutting my finger) and put them in with a can of black beans, some chopped up peaches, pineapple, a can of green chillies and a can of corn. I put it in a whole wheat tortillia. I had this as a late afternoon snack so that I didn't eat too much dinner. I made Cincinatti Chilli. I made mine with whole wheat pasta and Nikki you are right. It's not bad at all. I can totally do whole wheat for the rest of my life. I think they have made it better over the years. It's not mushy anymore.

I haven't bought the hypnosis cd yet but I still really want to. I was trying to read consumer reports about it. I don't care how it has worked for others because hypnosis is extremely individual. You have to be very open to the suggestions and I think I am. I have to go now and make Nathan a chocolatechip pancake. TTFN

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sunday April 25

282.6 This weekend was a challenge. Friday night I went to a party and chose to drink and when I drink, I drink too much. I had margaritas which were lovely but after that I had B52's which were oh so yummy but that definately broke my sugar rule and I felt like shit yesterday. I will probably drink a couple of more times before my surgery but not too much and I can't afterward because I believe my liver just won't be able to handle it and I am doing the surgery in order to live and drinking is just going to kill me. Yesterday we went to Devon and Isabelle's 2nd and 1st birthday party and I had a cupcake. It was soooo delicious. Jeanne makes them from scratch and the frosting. I really enjoyed it. I also had pizza which breaks my salt rule. They also had homemade carmels that Jeanne's dad makes. I avoided them because I do not feel that I could eat just one. Her dad said the healthiest think in the carmel is the vanilla. Jeanne had plenty of fruits and a nice salad and I did enjoy those. Friday night I had a soft taco with chicken. I am back on track today. Jeanne sent us home with 2 pizzas. I can feed the boys that and focus my cooking on me. Yesterday I saw an informercial on weightloss hypnosis programs. I really want to buy it. I am totally into hypnosis. I would have done the one in Bellevue but I am paranoid about driving to Bellevue. OK so I may order it. I can use all the help I can get right now. Have a good week. Andi

Friday, April 23, 2010

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thursday April 22

Today the scale said 280.5. Right now I am eating a slice of creamy havarti cheese and my Gayle's recipe for potato salad which I usualy shake salt on every bite. Without sugar and salt added to my diet I am finding I am enjoying the taste of things more. The potato salad has sweet pickles in it which has salt and sugar in them and mayo is pretty sweet but that is all I need. It is salty and sweet enough on it's out. That is a good thing. We will see how the scale and my feet look tomorrow to see if this was a bad thing or not. Eli and I went to Kim Wood's house to ride Kramer, her Shetland pony, today. I brought my bike because I can not walk without horrible pain but I can ride just fine. Eli wants a gogurt so I gotta go.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wednesday

So I was back to 281.7 again today. I ate well. I had a protien drink, an apple, 25 almonds, navy bean kale sausage soup, some tortillia chips and 3 french fries. We went down to the ball park tonight and all I had was 3 french fries. No double cheese burger fries and lots of ketsup. I did snack on some more almonds at the park and I had some salad with blue cheese on it when I got home. We will see what the scale says in the morning. Walking into Subway with Lucas today and not getting anything was harder than being at the ballpark tonight. Subway smells so good. Eli and I are suppose to go to Anns to exercise tomorrow but if it's nice we are calling Kim and we are going to go ride Kramer and I am going to bring my bike I think. I can't walk very far but I can ride and ride. Good night see me tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I am not writing because as soon as I posted that I weighed 281.7 I went up to 285 yesterday and today I was at 284. I knew that was going to happen. Maybe I won't post as often as I weigh because I am an ocd weigher.

OK so this is my place to talk about anything and so here it goes. I like to talk about POOP! I love to poop. I don't poop very well on my own. I drink fiber and I take stool softeners. My doctor told me to always take fiber because I need help. I have had a colonoscopy and hemroid surgery and pushing fucks up your colon so I take fiber. Well I am ADD so I mix things up. I use to drink my fiber and it bloated me very badly so then I switched to fiber tabs. Sometimes I juice and that helps. Recently I have been taking stool softeners. My neighbor told me that you can become resistant to them so I stopped and now I haven't pooped much this week. Soooooo today I drank my old drinky fiber. We will see how it goes. I have done the colon cleanse that is on TV twice and that makes me feel better. I HATE being constipated! Before I do this surgery I want to do a colonic irrigation so that I can get all the 40+ year old poop out of my colon before I loose weight. This might be part of why my weight went up.

Another reason my weight may have gone up is because I ate BBQ twice last week and Monday I went to lunch and had spicy peanut chicken. It wasn't fried but I am sure it had a lot of sodium in it. I still haven't had sugary foods (wait I accidently ate most of my fortune cookie before I realized what I was doing). I did have a few tortillia chips but I have cut my salt way way down. I feel good about this. I am taking baby steps. Doing the surgery is going to be a HUGE step so right now I am working on my 30 lbs. Today I ate one protien shake, 25 almonds and 4 shrimp with black bean chili. I don't feel hungry so I am thinking it's because I HAVEN'T POOPED!

I went to Ann's to exercise today. Thank you thank you Ann for calling me. I asked Nathan if he would exercise with me and he told me to mow the lawn. I almost did but Ann saved me. We did a video. Mark asked me what kind of video we did and I said a SEX video! I'm not a smart ass. Poor Mark. We did a very low impact cardio workout with some lower body work and some floor work. It was good for me. I am sore. My right side is sore all the time. After I got home I hung on the inversion machine. I hurt but I feel good for working out. Anyone who wants to ride bikes with me let me know.

I am eating a lot more fresh foods. I feel good. I can do this!!! Moooahhhhhh

Sunday, April 18, 2010

It's Sunday. Mark and Lucas have been gone at the fair since Wednesday. Eating has not been too bad since they have been gone. Blaine will usually eat anything I eat and he will eat what Nathan is eating if not. Yesterday I took Nathan to work. Eli had an omlette for breakfast. I had an egg, two thin slices of Kirland lunchmeat ham on an Oroweat thin bun thingy. I had protien drinks twice and I fried me up some halibut for dinner. Oh for lunch I had a tortillia (whole wheat) with four nice size shrimp and my black bean chilli. Eli and I went to Costco all by ourselves. We never go alone but it was good. We brought home a pizza for Nathan and Blaine and two shoulder roasts for Curts to smoke. I buy them and he cooks them and keeps one. I think it is a perfect relationship! Much better than famous Daves.

Today we waited for Nathan to come home from work then Blaine and I took Eli home. He lives in Bremerton and Blaine needed driving practise over there. On our way home we stopped at Fred Meyer and I only spent $5.48. We stopped by the produce stand after that I I spent $29. Today I got Kale, yams, jicima, red and green lettuce, a humungous artichoke, and 3 different kinds of apples. I wasn't going to try an artichoke because the only way I can eat them is to dip them in butter but the lady there told me to dip it in balsalmic and i love balsalmic so I am trying it! The jicima is very juicey and has a lot of fiber and nutrients. It is low in calories and an excellent source of fiber, potassium, iron, calcium, and vitamins C and E. In fact, 1 cup of jicama contains nearly 6 grams of fiber. I peeled and sliced it and am eating it raw.

I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 281.7 lbs. I am having some pulled pork tonight so we will see what that does to the scales in the morning. Gotta go save my artichoke. Bye for now.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Oh boy! I did more physically today than I have in a very long time. I got out of bed! Ha. Took a shower, drove to Bremerton to get Eli for preschool, worked in the class with Eli (haven't done that since Lucas was in preschool), begged Nathan to take us to the fair to see Mark and Lucas, walked around the fair till I wanted to die, went to Albertsons for black beans and Rotelle and left them in the cart, came home and took a tub!

I am TIRED! Last night the boys and I went to Famous Daves and I had BBQ with sauce. It wasn't worth it. Quality was bad. A few more of these experiences may get me to understand to just eat my own food and take the time to cook. It doesn't help when I leave my beans in the cart at the store! Right now I really really really want to call Ann and go have a (10) margaritas and chips and bean dip. I never feel good afterward so I have to tell myself that but I still really want to. Ug. This is why I am fat. I am not good at saying no to myself. I was 288 last Sunday and today I was 283. It is good. I have drank 2 protien shakes, ate one apple and 25 almonds so far today and I am feeling pretty good. I am making black bean chilli for dinner. Hopefully I will make it and not ditch it for margaritas!!!! I haven't drank since Fat Tuesday but it sounds soooo good right now.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

When I am hungry

When I am hungry a sliced apple and 25 raw almonds seem to work well. They aren't easy to eat like a whole bag of BBQ chips that you can just cram into your mouth. You have to chew and chew and chew. That is a good thing. I bought the apples at the new produce stand on Bethel. They are Fujis and very flavorful. The almonds are from Costco. It is a sustaining snack. This is way more fun than doing laundry.

So here is an article on almonds.

If you've never tried snacking on raw almonds, you're really missing out! In fact, raw almonds are some of the healthiest, most "nutritionally-dense," energy-packed fitness superfoods available. They're also on the top of the list of preferred snack foods for anyone following an alkaline diet. Best of all, almonds have more dietary fiber and more calcium than any other nut -- great for anyone looking to lose weight!4 Reasons to Grab a Handful of Almonds as Your Next SnackDuring American Heart Month, a New Study Adds to the Body of Research on Almonds' Healthy Heart and Weight BenefitsCrunchy, handy almonds have been sighted in many new breakfast, snack, and salad products as research continues to show their healthful qualities. So, when you're perusing the supermarket aisles during American Heart Month (February) or National Nutrition Month (March), consider these three reasons almonds fit the bill as a perfect nutritional "boost" to meals and snacks:1) New research supports almonds' ability to lower cholesterol. A study to be published Monday in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition provides more evidence that almonds are one of the most heart-healthy foods around.The study finds that when directly compared to first-generation statins, a certain heart-healthy dietary approach including almonds is just as effective in lowering LDL, or "bad," cholesterol below the recommended range for heart disease prevention.The approach, known as the "Portfolio" eating plan because it includes a variety of heart-healthy foods, included foods such as oatmeal, beans, olive oil, soy products, and a daily one-ounce handful of almonds. Researchers called almonds a "mini-Portfolio" because in and of themselves, they contain several components emphasized in the eating plan -- vegetable protein, fiber, plant sterols and other several heart-healthy nutrients.According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than half of all American adults have cholesterol levels higher than they should be.2) Almonds are nutritionally dense -- a quality emphasized in the government's latest Dietary Guidelines. Almonds are the most nutritionally dense nut, whether compared calorie per calorie or ounce per ounce. The recently released Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2005 encourage Americans to choose nutritionally dense foods -- that is, to get the most nutrition possible out of the calories you eat. A one-ounce, 164-calorie serving of almonds, or about a handful, is an excellent source of vitamin E and magnesium, and a good source of fiber. It also offers heart-healthy monounsaturated fat, protein, potassium, calcium, phosphorous and iron.In fact, according to a study in the British Journal of Nutrition last fall, individuals who added almonds as a snack to their regular diet increased their overall intake of several important nutrients. The study's researchers, from Loma Linda University in California, concluded that incorporating almonds into a diet may promote the natural displacement of less nutrient-dense foods, making the overall nutritional quality of the diet better.3) Eating almonds may help maintain or even lose weight. A recent study in the International Journal of Obesity found that adding a daily ration of almonds to a low-calorie diet enhanced weight loss, as well as significantly improved risk factors associated with heart disease, when compared to a low-fat, low-calorie diet. Researchers cited almonds' heart-healthy monounsaturated fat as being very satiating, helping satisfy the appetite and prevent patients from overeating.4) Almonds are tasty, satisfying and versatile. Whether added to low-fat yogurt, included in a healthy trail mix, or munched on their own, almonds have a toasty crunch that's perfect for any time of day, and for many other foods.

A new Andi

This is a place for me to talk about my weightloss journey. I am trying not to use the word struggle because right now I am trying to have a positive attitude about it but it definately is a struggle.

In Sept. 2009 I went to see a weight loss surgeon. I weighed 290 lbs. He told me I qualified for the surgery but I needed to lose 10% of my bodyweight before I could have it. The next step was to sign up for an EGD. An Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD) is an examination of the lining of the esophagus, stomach, and upper duodenum with a small camera. I scheduled it but once I got home I chickened out and canceled. I felt I wasn't informed enough and there was too much unknown.

I have a friend who is going through the same process but with the Navy and she is recieving excellent information which she has graciously shared with me. I felt better about the GB process so I scheduled the EGD and had it March 31 2010. I have a hernia. I think it is called a hiatal hernia. It will be repaired during the bypass surgery. There were also a lot of red irritated places in the stomach that were biopsied and came back normal.

Next step, lose the 30 lbs!!! I feel like if I can do that then why do I need the surgery. I am so very whiney about this. I can't excercise too much because I am in constant pain and I can't lose weight without exercising. It's hard for me to reduce my calories because I am the main cook bla bla bla. The other day I was just stuck in this whine fest of self pitty. I was misserable.

After I stopped freaking out I tried to pick something small. I have had a lot of swelling issues lately and I have to go on a liquid diet for two weeks prior to surgery. I will be intaking mostly protien. The PA I spoke with about my EGD results said to go on a high protien diet. This was overwhelming to me. I decided that I need to get use to not having sugar. I don't eat a ton but when I want it it is all encompassing.

Starting Tuesday April 13 I stopped refined sugars. I don't know how long this will go on for but I need to get use to not having it. I have been drinking at least two protien shakes a day and eating apples and raw almonds. The apple helps with the sugar cravings and the almonds keep me feeling full. Tuesday I rewarded myself with my very unhealthy popcorn because I wasn't having sugar and butter isn't sugar. I immediately swelled up like a baloon. Wednesday I cut salt. I did have a couple of very thin slices of ham but no added salt and I tried not to eat things with lots of salt. Today I was down 4 lbs.!!!! More importantly I don't feel tight and puffy.

My motto for now is baby steps. This is where I am going to bitch and whine and rejoice. If you want to read, read if you don't, don't. This is hard for me and I need to talk but not everyone wants to hear so will just blather on here and I will be fine. I can hardly wait to be at a normal weight. I'm going to take off the required weight so that the surgery can go smoothly. I'm going to get this done.

Andi